![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
More weird dreams
Thursday, 16 September 2021 11:23I would make a post about Yom Kippur, but I had another one of my recurring thematic dreams. One of the school-related ones. Not the one where I signed up for a class and forgot to attend. The one where I'm back in high school and I'm trying to figure out whether I have enough credits to graduate.
I think it's the emotions in these dreams that feel so genuine that they make me question whether, out there, there is a version of me that did these things.
I think it's the emotions in these dreams that feel so genuine that they make me question whether, out there, there is a version of me that did these things.
(no subject)
Wednesday, 12 May 2021 18:43I really don't know why I find shipping portmanteaus so creepy.
Watching Wizards
Tuesday, 11 August 2020 16:29I'm 4 episodes into Tales of Arcadia: Wizards and I'm not sure I trust these developments. There is a lot of bait running around but I'm not rising to it, not yet. I've been in this situation before. On several counts, even.
I know I'll regret it if I binge the whole thing in a day, but on the other hand, I'm really curious.
I know I'll regret it if I binge the whole thing in a day, but on the other hand, I'm really curious.
(no subject)
Wednesday, 29 July 2020 17:06One of my favorite character dynamic moments is the kind where you have one character losing their entire mind, and the other character remains mysteriously and infuriatingly calm.
Anyway, I've been rereading some of my old fanfic.
Anyway, I've been rereading some of my old fanfic.
(no subject)
Saturday, 8 February 2020 19:54What do you do when you think a book you just started might be gearing up towards a plot point that you viscerally, irrationally hate?
There's a special irony to the fact that I spend so much time writing about manipulative characters, considering that in real life, even very small and mundane manipulations like commonplace sales tactics drive me absolutely up the wall.
a thought.
Wednesday, 27 February 2019 21:50fanfic fandoms are like watching an adult try to color with crayons.
End Of Year Writing Blanket Box
Thursday, 17 January 2019 20:59Crossposted from pi-lo: anxiousgeek's End Of Year Writing Blanket Box:
Total number of completed stories: hard to say, but around 35 I would guess, maybe more if I count the ones I wrote but didn't post, or the ones that are still in progress.
Total word count: AO3 says more than 80K, and even accounting for some weirdness that sounds about right.
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? More than I would have guessed for some months (notably, February and June). Less than I'd've liked for others.
( Read more... )
Total number of completed stories: hard to say, but around 35 I would guess, maybe more if I count the ones I wrote but didn't post, or the ones that are still in progress.
Total word count: AO3 says more than 80K, and even accounting for some weirdness that sounds about right.
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? More than I would have guessed for some months (notably, February and June). Less than I'd've liked for others.
( Read more... )
People as Toasters
Tuesday, 8 December 2015 13:45There are people who are fucked up and people who are basically normal, functional, whatever. People who've got their shit together. Then there are people who are basically pretty fucked up but are trying to unfuck themselves, and that's a process that can last indefinitely. Some people spend their whole lives trying to unfuck themselves, and that's okay.
Between two basically normal people, relationships are simple. Not that there aren't difficulties or that they can't go wrong, or that they are always good, successful relationships. But the normalness is measured not in lack of problems but in the ability to problem-solve without setting yourself or your immediate surroundings on fire.
( Read more... )
Or I'm full of shit. That's also a distinct possibility.
Between two basically normal people, relationships are simple. Not that there aren't difficulties or that they can't go wrong, or that they are always good, successful relationships. But the normalness is measured not in lack of problems but in the ability to problem-solve without setting yourself or your immediate surroundings on fire.
( Read more... )
Or I'm full of shit. That's also a distinct possibility.
On Blogging
Thursday, 3 September 2015 17:02I am looking at the emptiness of my professional blog and sighing. I cross-posted some recent material but, as I go digging through my years of blogging, I seem to have made far fewer substantial posts than I imagined. Possibly I was always intending to make those posts but once the subject matter coalesced in my mind, I never got to actually putting the words down on paper. Now I'm debating whether an old review for a book that I read years ago (and no longer own) is fit for re-posting.
Look like there's no escaping the need to generate original content. Ahahahah *tear wipe*
Things have been up and down for me but I did not do much writing this week, although I accomplished several important chores. I am no closer to opening up a Patreon account to allow for the options of readers supporting my content. I am also no closer to having a complete work that's fit to be bound into an e-book. It is frustrating, but I know that I can work through it.
The new year is coming up on my calendar. Happy September.
Look like there's no escaping the need to generate original content. Ahahahah *tear wipe*
Things have been up and down for me but I did not do much writing this week, although I accomplished several important chores. I am no closer to opening up a Patreon account to allow for the options of readers supporting my content. I am also no closer to having a complete work that's fit to be bound into an e-book. It is frustrating, but I know that I can work through it.
The new year is coming up on my calendar. Happy September.
How to Be a Writer
Monday, 6 July 2015 11:32I've been writing for over fifteen years. I think I mentioned that. It was only this year (last month, actually) that I finally decided to commit to a career as a professional writer.
There are a lot of questions that come along with such a dramatic change. I've grappled with some of these questions for years. Do I have the discipline to write every single day, and the work ethic to keep plugging at it, even when I reach the less pleasant stages of writing? Can I generate an idea compelling enough to draw an audience of readers? Can I create the type of work that can be sold for cash on a professional venue, like a short fiction magazine or an anthology?
Today, the questions I'm dwelling on are less abstract, but no less difficult for me to answer. I'm debating issues of my online presence. Crowdfunding is becoming an increasingly attractive option for writers, especially short fiction writers like myself. One of the options I'm considering is opening a Patreon account. Clearly, the critical aspect of crowdfunding is creating an audience, and the only way to create an audience is to publish. So, the main step of creating a successful Patreon presence is still the #1 answer to any writing-related question: write.
In the meantime, I'd like to have somewhere to point people at, in case someone should ask me how they can support my writing career. Patreon seems like a viable option for that, if only in a long-term view. It would also make a handy place to compile links and create a writing portfolio of sorts. Less formal than an official website, which I am also considering creating, but it does create a necessary one-stop destination.
One of the advantages of the social media era of writing is that I feel I have less to worry about the informal nature of some of my writing. This blog, for example, not to mention my Tumblr and Twitter accounts. When I look at the online presence of some contemporary genre writers ('my peers', as I practice saying) I feel there's more latitude given, a less strict standard of what counts as on-topic for a writer's blog. I can imagine someone looking at this blog, or my Tumblr, and not immediately thinking, 'this person is clearly not a professional writer'.
I still have open questions. Should I create a website? Should I include a more restrained author blog, and mirror only the substantial content from my current blog? Should I create a separate Tumblr to include only content relevant to Collar of the Damned and my other original writing? For now, I'm plugging away at my actual writing, and of course this blog as well.
There are a lot of questions that come along with such a dramatic change. I've grappled with some of these questions for years. Do I have the discipline to write every single day, and the work ethic to keep plugging at it, even when I reach the less pleasant stages of writing? Can I generate an idea compelling enough to draw an audience of readers? Can I create the type of work that can be sold for cash on a professional venue, like a short fiction magazine or an anthology?
Today, the questions I'm dwelling on are less abstract, but no less difficult for me to answer. I'm debating issues of my online presence. Crowdfunding is becoming an increasingly attractive option for writers, especially short fiction writers like myself. One of the options I'm considering is opening a Patreon account. Clearly, the critical aspect of crowdfunding is creating an audience, and the only way to create an audience is to publish. So, the main step of creating a successful Patreon presence is still the #1 answer to any writing-related question: write.
In the meantime, I'd like to have somewhere to point people at, in case someone should ask me how they can support my writing career. Patreon seems like a viable option for that, if only in a long-term view. It would also make a handy place to compile links and create a writing portfolio of sorts. Less formal than an official website, which I am also considering creating, but it does create a necessary one-stop destination.
One of the advantages of the social media era of writing is that I feel I have less to worry about the informal nature of some of my writing. This blog, for example, not to mention my Tumblr and Twitter accounts. When I look at the online presence of some contemporary genre writers ('my peers', as I practice saying) I feel there's more latitude given, a less strict standard of what counts as on-topic for a writer's blog. I can imagine someone looking at this blog, or my Tumblr, and not immediately thinking, 'this person is clearly not a professional writer'.
I still have open questions. Should I create a website? Should I include a more restrained author blog, and mirror only the substantial content from my current blog? Should I create a separate Tumblr to include only content relevant to Collar of the Damned and my other original writing? For now, I'm plugging away at my actual writing, and of course this blog as well.
Writing Long-Form and Me
Tuesday, 30 June 2015 12:45When I was a teenager, my dream was to write a novel.
In the army, my dream was to write and publish a novel.
In my early twenties, I was convinced that it was just a matter of time before I wrote a publishable novel.
...I am terrible at writing novels.
Over the past fifteen or so years, I have been writing short fiction of various lengths and descriptions. I flatter myself that I have become quite good at it. I can look back at something I wrote two or three years ago and be largely pleased with it. Farther back than that, things get a little hazier. But no matter what else I've done, I've always struggled with writing longer form works of fiction.
Writing a novel is so easy and automatic an idea, that it took many years and many failed attempts before I considered the idea of not trying to write one. Most of my successful and satisfying works have been short fiction, and when I write in chaptered form I often feel like I'm floundering. Part of the impetus behind the Collar of the Damned project was to try and develop my short original fiction as part of a shared universe.
Then again, writing well-structured short fiction isn't easy, either. Looking back at the past few years of my writing, I feel like I have improved my pacing and structure a lot. Most often, when a story went past a certain length, I would structure it out of snippets clearly divided by sharp scene transitions. It made them read like chained vignettes. More recent stories are better paced and more cohesive in their structure.
Here are some hard numbers, primarily for my own reference: ( Read more... )
In the army, my dream was to write and publish a novel.
In my early twenties, I was convinced that it was just a matter of time before I wrote a publishable novel.
...I am terrible at writing novels.
Over the past fifteen or so years, I have been writing short fiction of various lengths and descriptions. I flatter myself that I have become quite good at it. I can look back at something I wrote two or three years ago and be largely pleased with it. Farther back than that, things get a little hazier. But no matter what else I've done, I've always struggled with writing longer form works of fiction.
Writing a novel is so easy and automatic an idea, that it took many years and many failed attempts before I considered the idea of not trying to write one. Most of my successful and satisfying works have been short fiction, and when I write in chaptered form I often feel like I'm floundering. Part of the impetus behind the Collar of the Damned project was to try and develop my short original fiction as part of a shared universe.
Then again, writing well-structured short fiction isn't easy, either. Looking back at the past few years of my writing, I feel like I have improved my pacing and structure a lot. Most often, when a story went past a certain length, I would structure it out of snippets clearly divided by sharp scene transitions. It made them read like chained vignettes. More recent stories are better paced and more cohesive in their structure.
Here are some hard numbers, primarily for my own reference: ( Read more... )
Readjusting Life Plans
Monday, 1 June 2015 18:46My first proper day of unemployment (actually self-employment, in theory) has been a bit of a whirlwind.
I did some chores and some writing and some slacking off. I made a great big list of my writing goals for June and organized it in a spreadsheet, color-coded. I got some calls about jobs and had to put a fair amount of energy into meeting those demands. Some jobs want to test you before they'll even bother calling you in. I'm used to technical tests being on-site.
Somehow I am trying to balance not hammering the lid on the coffin of my programming career, along with treating the idea of being a full-time writer with the necessary gravity. It's... difficult. The more I talked about the possibility of writing, the less it seemed like an unfortunate fallback for the unemployable dropout, and more like... what I actually want to do. What I've been working towards, knowingly or not, for a decade or more.
But there is always a portion of my brain (and a rather larger portion of my acquaintances) that is pushing for the programming job, because security. Money. Future. Pension. Insurance. Never mind that the weekly schedule of working outside of home leaves me too tired and dispirited to do all the things I love.
*Shrug* For now I am dancing in both weddings as they say. When that starts being compromising, well, I've got more than enough well-wishers ready to lend me advice. And my lease here isn't up, yet, and besides, my apartment in Jerusalem won't be free for a while. Meanwhile it's not like I'm short of unfinished projects to keep me (very) busy.
Such as promising to blog twice a week.
I did some chores and some writing and some slacking off. I made a great big list of my writing goals for June and organized it in a spreadsheet, color-coded. I got some calls about jobs and had to put a fair amount of energy into meeting those demands. Some jobs want to test you before they'll even bother calling you in. I'm used to technical tests being on-site.
Somehow I am trying to balance not hammering the lid on the coffin of my programming career, along with treating the idea of being a full-time writer with the necessary gravity. It's... difficult. The more I talked about the possibility of writing, the less it seemed like an unfortunate fallback for the unemployable dropout, and more like... what I actually want to do. What I've been working towards, knowingly or not, for a decade or more.
But there is always a portion of my brain (and a rather larger portion of my acquaintances) that is pushing for the programming job, because security. Money. Future. Pension. Insurance. Never mind that the weekly schedule of working outside of home leaves me too tired and dispirited to do all the things I love.
*Shrug* For now I am dancing in both weddings as they say. When that starts being compromising, well, I've got more than enough well-wishers ready to lend me advice. And my lease here isn't up, yet, and besides, my apartment in Jerusalem won't be free for a while. Meanwhile it's not like I'm short of unfinished projects to keep me (very) busy.
Such as promising to blog twice a week.
Looking Back
Monday, 2 March 2015 19:45Looking back at all the years of my blog which were dominated almost completely by uni stuff and I can't help but thinking that I just sort of flushed all those years away. For nothing. For no good reason. A friend told me once that I would stop thinking (eventually) that my twenties were the decade I had to pay back for my teens. I really hope that's true.
Expectation : Reality
Thursday, 15 January 2015 08:42I am trying to calibrate my expectations. When one wakes up in the morning and feels more than the usual reluctance to get out of bed, or is much colder than the weather justifies, or one is sitting and eating breakfast and feels like sinking into the chair with heaviness... This is the kind of fatigue that I usually associate with mild infections. My GP is out today. Probably the wise thing would be to phone my boss and explain that I am ill. (I have worked there for two months plus and have taken one sick day previously).
I probably can drag myself up and into some clothes, stuff myself with cold pills and power through nine hours of work. I hardly ever get measurable fevers, so heaven knows I've done it before when I've had little choice. But then yesterday a number of people asked me whether I was ill again due to my constant sniffling ('not again, still') and so many I have an excuse?
Far from being able to make a sensible, fact-oriented decision, I feel like it's actually the 'missing work' guilt warring with the 'not taking care of your health' guilt. But then the system, when I look into it, is set up for 'powering through small illnesses' pretty explicitly. I do this so much I hardly notice the small stuff? I blow my nose or pop a pill and move on with my life, much the same as if it was an allergy attack. It's only when I get this dragging feeling or something similar that I wonder, 'how will I make it to the bus? from the bus? back home again?'
I probably can drag myself up and into some clothes, stuff myself with cold pills and power through nine hours of work. I hardly ever get measurable fevers, so heaven knows I've done it before when I've had little choice. But then yesterday a number of people asked me whether I was ill again due to my constant sniffling ('not again, still') and so many I have an excuse?
Far from being able to make a sensible, fact-oriented decision, I feel like it's actually the 'missing work' guilt warring with the 'not taking care of your health' guilt. But then the system, when I look into it, is set up for 'powering through small illnesses' pretty explicitly. I do this so much I hardly notice the small stuff? I blow my nose or pop a pill and move on with my life, much the same as if it was an allergy attack. It's only when I get this dragging feeling or something similar that I wonder, 'how will I make it to the bus? from the bus? back home again?'
AO3 Stats - Ratio Edition
Monday, 6 January 2014 13:32I sniffed around my AO3 stats page and found very few surprises, except that four people subscribed to my fics, and all of them were completed ones. What did entertain me was trying to suss out the hits-to-kudos ratio and where it was lowest. There could be all sorts of causes for a low ratio, but the main contributers are, I think, small fandoms and rarepairs. Also, some fandoms are just more awesome like that (c.f. Cinders).
Naturally, this is not an accurate science, especially since AO3 doesn't generate this stat. I started from the fics with the lowest hit count as the immediate suspects. ( Hits/Kudos Ratio )
My second-least-hit fic of 2013 has the highest ratio, and the only single digit figure. As I said, I attribute this more to an unusually low hit count due to backdating.
Predictions: ( Not much will change. )
Naturally, this is not an accurate science, especially since AO3 doesn't generate this stat. I started from the fics with the lowest hit count as the immediate suspects. ( Hits/Kudos Ratio )
My second-least-hit fic of 2013 has the highest ratio, and the only single digit figure. As I said, I attribute this more to an unusually low hit count due to backdating.
Predictions: ( Not much will change. )