Sleep.

Friday, 21 December 2018 09:54
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I went to sleep early last night, which was nice because I was tired, sore and cold. Then I woke up at 1am out of nowhere and I was up for at least two hours, maybe three. Went back to sleep eventually and slept until almost 9am. So on the outside it looks like I slept almost two hours but it was actually way, way less.

I'm already significantly less sore than I was even just yesterday, which is timely because I have Pilates at 12. I have got to get on a more regular schedule with that. Missing classes always gets me messed up.
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
My back is still acting up from Pilates and I'm anxious about my Yuletide assignment.

Oh, and I activated my Pillowfort account, I don't remember if I mentioned that or not. Add me there, I'm waiting to see if it takes off.

For now I'm gonna keep substantial content here on DW, where it is relatively stable.

That's all I've got to update before work.
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
...and i am /astounded/ at how badly my entire right side, and especially my back, are all knotted up. i gotta get a handle on this type of thing to keep it from happening too often.

and today is evidently not gonna be a writing day. i don't want to strain what i just spent fifty minutes softening up.

i made a choice script community of pillowfort here: https://www.pillowfort.io/community/choicescript

there was an interactive fiction challenge for yuletide that i only just found out about here: https://yuletide.dreamwidth.org/141781.html#comments

Life.

Tuesday, 19 June 2018 10:08
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
So it turns out that the doctor's appointment that I thought was this week is actually in a month. I marked it down wrong in my calendar and that led to a long and irritating evening roundabout yesterday. But on the whole this week is going okay. My sleep patterns are out of whack, but I'm living.

The XOR writer linked my review on his Facebook, bringing the familiar bump in views. Nothing like I've gotten from a retweet in the past, but still appreciable. And it looks like most people who clicked through also went to my blog's index page, which I suppose is a sort of compliment. Especially since my reviews on the whole lean more on quality than quantity. XOR is the first one I posted this calendar year. Mostly because of the rough winter I had and the inertia that follows, but all the same.

I have to figure out what to try and work on next.

Meanwhile the rest of my writing is going reasonably well. One of my job offers fell through, but the other is still alive and well. And my knee is still a little fucked up, but I mostly don't notice it unless I lean weight directly on it, which is something.
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
So, exactly one week ago I slipped and fell on the sidewalk near the central bus station in Jerusalem. It was a pretty bad fall and I was pretty badly bruised, but I soldiered on and waited for it to fade. Now I do Pilates twice a week now so I had to talk to the instructor and figure out a way to keep exercising even with my messed up knee. Not impossible, since my knee is generally messed up, and Pilates instructors are experienced with fucked up joints in general.

Except it's been a week? And it's still pretty badly bruised and hurts a lot if I kneel on it for even a second? Worse than usual. And I think it might be time to see a doctor about it, which I'm :| about because of all the time I've spent lately dealing with medical stuff. But I gotta be sure that it's just nasty bruising and not something worse.

Fuck knees in general.

Life Update

Wednesday, 10 May 2017 11:50
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I was so productive yesterday despite waking up pretty late and having trouble getting the morning going. And a random nap at 5:30 in the afternoon. But today I slept even later? And that leaves me in an awkward place where I'm not really sure how to get the day started. Plus I have an important thing this afternoon which I just realized is in only about four hours. Routine is hard. I only got to sleep at about two thirty last night, for no good reason whatsoever, and didn't even have the good sense to feel guilty about it. And I am beyond behind on my schoolwork.

I have a doctor's appointment, both for general checkup and to try and deal with my assorted medication-related issues. Doctor's business is getting complicated again the past few months and it's been seriously messing with the routine I had so carefully cultivated, it's a mess. At least I'm writing and editing and refining ideas, and I have a pretty good idea of how I want to move forward with my creative stuff even if it requires a level of patience that's preternatural for me. I've had a good long think and I'm considering the idea that I might need to narrow my sights creatively, instead of chasing after everything at once. Basically decide whether to focus on pure prose, text games or visual novels.

And ICYMI I finally wrote up my response to a discussion on last year's NaNoWriMo boards, on nonbinary gender representation in fiction and associated tropes. This blog post took a good long while to complete, and I'm really pretty proud of it.
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
Read more... )

(no subject)

Wednesday, 18 May 2016 17:41
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
What happens is, I think I’m leaving work at a reasonable hour because I’m keyed up and I feel pretty energetic. I go home and on the way I think of all the things I’ll Do. Then I get home and feel myself fading. Feel, in fact, that I had been fading for a while and didn’t notice. And now it’s quarter to six. I have a homework assignment due tonight. If I don’t send it in my life will become Very Complicated Indeed. I am so very tired, but nervous to lie down in case resting/napping will just make me groggy and irritable. There is precedent for this.

At least, I can remind myself, there is always an option of just cutting my losses on this semester and moving on.

Health Stuff.

Tuesday, 1 December 2015 11:57
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
This is just health blather as I try to sort out in my mind all the things that could be caused by almost anything.

Read more... )

Fun times were had by all.

Results

Wednesday, 25 November 2015 09:44
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
The results on my thyroid-related things are not encouraging. Therefore I am going to do two things, the first of which is to go to the pharmacy and buy some 1000mg vitamin D gel caplets (and a hot water battle because it is terribly cold in my hobbit-hole). Then I am going to make an appointment for an endocrinologist, by phone, which will be very fun. So much fun!

No, I have not gotten around to watching Jessica Jones yet, although I am confident from reactions that it will probably meet 80-85% of my expectations. Roughly. I have also not yet watched the midseason finale of HTGAWM. And I have not finished reading Baru Cormorant.

In fact, I exited Sunless Sea hell only to immediately dig myself a chest-high ditch in 7KPP alpha hell. Yes, there is a new alpha update and I am flipping out every which way. As usual, with a branching storyline the new content is scattered across multiple playthroughs and so unlocking everything I want/need to see is taking some time. I have had a hard time resisting playing the game late at night on my laptop, which has done my circadian cycle no favors.

Meanwhile writing is proceeding sort of apace with 3-4 stories running in parallel. And writing in Hebrew now, because I'm doing a workshop. And thinking of gathering a local writers' social group for chatty meetings twice a month or so.

Medical News

Sunday, 22 March 2015 19:04
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
So the doctor said, "I think it's probably migraines, so here, go see a neurologist." He mentioned that a neuro might possibly want to do x-rays or a CT. But I am kind of glad just to know that it sounds like migraines to someone other than myself.

On the other hand, I completely forgot to mention the cold/virus/something I had for half of last week.

I should write. I know that writing will make me feel better. I know I will feel accomplished. It will help my emotional balance and it will be fun. Good, productive-like fun. I just... need to kickstart it somehow.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Today's siren caught me just as I was about to leave work.

I still have this vague feeling that maybe I'm not as anxious as I should be? But then I remember the random muscle cramps and the general lack of restfulness of my sleep.

New dr. sent me for blood tests which I have been putting off. Most of the same stuff I usually get tested for (perennial vitamin D and TSH) but without some of the inflammatory factors. So far I'm pretty pleased with new Dr. although it is a little soon to tell. I am also thinking about other health practitioners and whether I might want to seek them out.

My coping mechanism is refreshing the Flight Rising marketplace over and over, waiting for my smoke tert scroll to show up. And dwelling on things I did successfully. That one's a fun new addition.

Adulting

Saturday, 12 July 2014 21:13
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Folded the clean white laundry; put in a load of colors to wash; ate several really pretty sensible meals; got dressed and got out of the house; did a little mental health reading; unboxed my printer, still need to find a power cable that fits; wrote a little; did stretches.

Still need to turn off the computer to hook it up to the emergency power outage thingum. I think that's where the printer's power cord went. Also blood tests and some paperwork to do with the utility bills. And I need to go up to Jerusalem some time this week and figure some shit out, but IDK, that's less urgent?
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
It's amazing how I can leave work feeling pretty energetic and positive about the workday, and thinking about all the stuff I can do at home in the evening. And then ten minutes later as I'm walking to the bus, suddenly my mind's not distracted and all the sensations it was ignoring become deeply obvious. My back's liek a rock, I'm wiped-out tired, I can't wait to get out of my bra and I can feel my shoelaces digging into the skin on top of my feet.

I'm getting into the rhythm of the work, but today I had a couple of disappointments. Sunday marked me working there for a full month, and so far there's no hint that they're less than pleased with me, or considering ending my employment at the end of the trial period. Heaven knows they took a big risk on me, and I on them, given the weight of the work. For the moment, we seem to be working out well together.

Despite being too worn and forgetful to update my Goodreads or post about it here, I've been taking excellent advantage of my tablet as an e-reader. Between the commute and reading myself to sleep, I've made a dent in my reading plans for the year (36 books a year or 3 books a month). It helps that I've accepted leaving aside some books I'd planned to finish, and am succumbing gleefully to my brain's whims. And I started the year by getting into several different book series, so the serial continuity pushes me forward.

Miraculously, my creativity hasn't skittered to a halt. I still think about stories and am actively working on several WIPs. Just earlier today, I suddenly had a flash of inspiration for a scene to climb out of a stalled plot. Yay me.

Day Off

Tuesday, 25 March 2014 22:29
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I took a day off to go to a doctor's appointment (specialist, too difficult to reschedule, already missed one appointment) and managed to squeeze in a few other chores and also some more restful stuff. I had a nice brunch at a cafe, I read a whole bunch (Gail Carriger, Changeless) and I took an unplanned nap. I also did dishes, cycled a laundry and just now rallied my last energy to change the linen. All stuff meant to make my environment more pleasant and the rest of my work week easier.

I failed to cook as I had intended, but the vegetables I bought on Friday are still good. I compromised by laying out all of the ingredients and hoping I'd be able to muster a bit of energy tomorrow evening. I'd have liked to spend a couple of hours sinking into a game, because it really turns off my brain like nothing else, but I kind of shut down towards the evening.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
IDK what happened to this month week. Well, I know what happened to yesterday. A family chore popped up at an inopportune time, and served to remind me of several personal medical chores that I fucked up. I know there was at least one day when I did surprisingly much writing with surprising ease. With the semester only a month away, I've motivated myself to watch more MIT lectures. My mother's call yesterday interrupted the third one.

My weekend listlessness seems to have arrived early.

[livejournal.com profile] rarewomen is happening and I believe I may want to participate in some way. I think I'll exploit this as an opportunity to (try and) generate more Cinders fanfic, and perhaps I'll include some more obscure fandoms? Or Veronica Mars, that's always good. More Lilly Kane is always good. And Runaways qualifies, of course.

Comfort :)

Monday, 12 August 2013 13:33
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
In this time of great stress and confusion, I draw a lot of comfort from reading kink_bingo rules posts.

The dermatologist said he can't confirm psoriasis, though I am unsure of what practical implications this has. On a less cheerful note, I almost certainly have a cavity. Next on the agenda is a big dental x-ray... along with a zillion other chores I can't seem to keep track of.

Mostly I just want to blog forever, as though that would somehow magically force my thoughts into order. As though the chaos isn't a quality that is inherent to my life in particular and more generally to the human condition. At least I hope it is, otherwise I have been cheating no one but myself.

Self-teaching has become more difficult since my concentration is all over the place. I used to be so much better than this. Hard to motivate myself when all I really what is... to slink back into bed? To put everything out of my mind? Not to think?

Tonight I see the psychiatrist. A late appointment. I am crossing all the appendages.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Low available synaptic serotonin in the prefrontal cortex can lead to increased aggression, inappropriate hostility, and screaming your head off at people who push you on the line for the lightrail.

Chronic stress can cause fluctuations in the immune system, an increase in pro-inflammatory factors in the blood, and a gross psoriatic patch on your ankle.

Altruistic punishment motivates people to sacrifice their own gains in order to maximize an opponent's loss, due to the opponent being perceived as anti-social.

Up to 40% of the variation in temperament and personality between identical twins who shared a placenta can be accounted for by unshared (chiefly peer) environment.

I've slept poorly three nights in a row, I'm stressed and nervous, and I studied less hours than I had intended due to life interference and emotional volatility. I am still pretty sure I'm going to ace the fuck out of this test. Which is good, because I have to leave in about twenty minutes and there's no summary document for me to do a quick review from.

Crossing fingers that I don't mix up vasopressin and oxytocin (or worse yet, 5-HTTLPR and DRD4).

Closing In

Saturday, 22 June 2013 12:44
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
I was doing well this morning and then at around noon shit started going to pieces. I made myself a decaf and I'm going to try and buckle down.

It's not helping that I'm flaring up for the first time in god knows how long. I actually had to pull out a topical cream for my elbow and I have a gross patch on my ankle, bluh.

Closing in on the end. Really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Ouch.

Tuesday, 5 March 2013 10:18
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
I just tried to get a jar of spaghetti sauce open for about ten minutes. My hands hurt.

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