Laughter Through Tears

Yesterday, in Pilates, I pulled a really annoyingly specific muscle in my left arm. Its location is difficult to stretch and especially awkward for placing a heating pad, especially if I want to work at the computer while I'm treating. A night's sleep helped somewhat, so I'm hopeful that it'll be better by tomorrow.

In writing terms, I'm making slow but steady progress on the third draft of my outline. The endgame bits are naturally the most involved to write, not to mention, the part with the most changes from the previous draft. Still, I have hopes of finishing this version before the end of the month. And if not that, then before Pesach.

I'm fighting a flood of too many ideas by converting most of them into idle daydreams. In daydreams, I can be as silly as I like.

I also may have found a new journaling platform that will work better for me than Evernote for my daily words.

Also-also, I'm capping my Toby Daye marathon by rereading the very first book, Rosemary and Rue. Trying to see if I can catch anything that I missed last time. Kobo was swell enough to have preserved my old highlights and comments, even.

Sometimes, it is really hard to figure out whether I am going back and editing because the story needs more work, or because I'm trying to avoid finishing it and facing the music.

By coincidence, while I was flopping in the aftermath of the vaccine, I realized that the last book of a cozy mystery series I was following came out. So I read that in a blur over the last 2-3 days and it was great. I really ought to write a proper review, because these books deserve more love.

At the same time, I'm trying to ease back into the scene that I started working on last week. I'm so close to the end, it almost hurts.

My PCR came back negative today, so I'm not reinfected. Most likely, I have a stubborn cold virus or light strep. All the same, if I don't feel better tomorrow, I'll try and make a doctor's appointment. There's not much my PCP can do for either cold or strep, but I want to be prepared, just in case it gets worse.

I'm reading fic and noodling around with some orig fic projects, but I've stalled progress on BFS because I'm so tired from being sick. And I'm more than a week late with posting the next chapter, even though I have the draft ready. I'm just... trying to summon the energy, but the well is fucking bone dry.

I'm so bored of being sick. It's only been two days, but I'm so bored of it.

I missed Wednesday altogether due to an MRI that left me tired, anxious and bruised.

Thursday had only one event that I really wanted to listen to, it was okay.

Today, Sunday, has a ton of events that I want, to the point where I am writing the day off for any other work (other than picking up groceries in the morning and putting in one load of laundry).

Late in the evening, there are several remote events with Delia Sherman and Ellen Kushner, all of which I am looking forward to. Like Naomi Novik's writing workshop, this is one of the great advantages of online or hybrid cons.

I am also looking forward to an afternoon event titled "On Betrayal", a subject relevant to me, the author of a game titled Turncoat Chronicle.

I think I'm very sad.

I used to be pretty good at just... sitting with my sadness and experiencing it. I think I've gotten worse at it. The cost of constantly striving towards productivity, possibly? Either way, it's time for me to practice it again.

Where's all that beautifully romanticized sad media I consumed as an angsty teen?

Luckily, the atmospheric playlist I made for The Flower of Fairmont is actually, uh, sad as fuck?

It's my birthday next week, and I have about four or five different things planned to celebrate. But right now, it's a workday and I'm thinking about how to write endings.

Last night, my NaNo group had a very productive evening meetup over Zoom (which has enhanced our meetings a lot). Two resources that were recommended were the YT channels of Abbie Emmons and Alexa Donne. They both have videos on how to write endings that I plan to watch later this week (today's a busy day for chores), and lots of other stuff, besides.

I thought I'd save the links here, for extra reference, and in case they help anyone but me today.

On an unrelated note, there was a Twitter thread on favorite lines from poems that y'all might enjoy.

Today was a long day. Good, but long, and very tiring.

I went out to pick up a coffee in the morning and that (and my bad memory) ended up making me late for my ERG appointment. The ERG is an annoying and slightly gross eye exam that I get for side effect reasons, about once a year. And it requires eye drops, so when I got out of the test I could barely see and sunlight bothered me even more than normal. Yeah, it wasn't quite cloudy enough for my taste.

I made my way back home and managed to get some rest and some lunch -- and to wait out my pupil dilation. Once I was sufficiently rested, I headed out to one of the university libraries. They're operating on a program where you book seats in advance so that they can make sure they don't go over the legal limit for how many people can "congregate" in a closed space. And they assign desks to make sure social distancing is in effect.

Being outside all day is still super weird and a little anxiety-inducing. But I had the option to work somewhere outside of home, and I snatched it up. I might be able to book another afternoon this week, I hope, because I was *so* productive.

Today is the third day in a row in which a combination of weather-related exhaustion and time-consuming medical errands have eaten away at my writing time until I got absolutely nothing done.