Laughter Through Tears

Alarming to think that 2025 will be over in about 14 hours. Which means, in fact, that it's probably already over for someone who lives quite near the international date line, doesn't it?

NYE is not really much of a celebration for me. Well, when I was younger, I would take it a bit more seriously. A few times, I went out with friends. More often, it was something like a small house party, with drinking and music and maybe some games. As we got older, a lot of us drifted apart. The ones who still celebrated NYE often preferred to do it with their families.

Well, I celebrate with my family, too. Sort of. 1/1 is my mother's birthday. This year, we're planning something a bit special, which entails some baking on my part, so this morning I went out for supplies. And tomorrow morning I'll be baking with my sister.

I hope everyone has a good NYE, however you do/don't celebrate it. And I hope that 2026 brings some good surprises.

In between handling all of my boring (medical and financial) chores, this month, I managed to squeeze in a fair bit of reading and game-playing.

After finishing Loretta Chase's My Inconvenient Duke, I went back to reread the first in the series, A Duke in Shining Armor, which had been a favorite of mine when I first read it. I was curious to remind myself how the character of Jonesy had been handled, because I remembered him appearing (after having been a consistent character in Silk Is for Seduction and its sequels, which technically take place a few years later).

MID didn't quite give me what I wanted, but that might be because I was expecting something different. And I never finished the ADISA reread, for obscure reasons of my brain being weird. I often drop off when reading books, especially in the last third, and especially when rereading.

I also got the game Strange Antiquities on a whim, ostensibly as a reward to myself for being disciplined enough not to buy Blue Prince (which I've determined has a 100% likelihood of undoing all of my mental health/self-care progress, pretty much instantly). I played it relentlessly over one weekend, but have yet to go back for a second playthrough. The demo is extremely indicative of the gameplay. If you like it, you'll probably like the game.

Over the weekend, I started reading Tensei Shitara Dragon no Tamago datta: Ibara no Dragon Road, also on a whim. So far, it's a fun romp, slightly referential of the spider one, but the lore isn't as deep. Then again, I haven't read all of it, so maybe it goes deeper, later. Spider has the interesting property of gradually shifting from a survival horror game isekai to some kind weird existential horror myth arc. Then again, "reincarnated as a monster' is apparently a whole sub-genre. I mostly gravitate towards villainess romances, so I wouldn't know.

This afternoon, I was so tired, and I couldn't tell whether it was ( the heat. )

I obviously had a bad couple of nights in terms of sleep etc., but I'm coping mainly by trying to distract myself.

Distractions I've indulged in:

1. Palia. Still very heavily playing this, especially this weekend, making up for the fact that I didn't play much over the week.

2. Reading the tagset/request summary for justmarriedexchange. Probably gonna sign up today or tomorrow, and yes, I did nom Palia, too.

3. Over the last week, I've watched enough Kruggsmash Dwarf Fortress videos that I had to talk myself down from getting the game (for reasons).

4. Finally watched the last season of Community. It sure is a bunch of television episodes.

5. Also catching up on the most recent season of Leverage: Redemption, and yes, there was a moment that made me scream at a pitch audible only to dogs.

6. When I fail to do these things, I read the news, which depresses me.

It's so hard making the transition from being acquaintances to being friends. I never know where the line is, and I never know how to ask. Just asking "Are we friends?" seems rude. I can easily imagine someone taking it badly.

Anyway, there was someone that I met that I thought I could maybe be friends with, and I recently found out that it's definitely not the case. Not a great feeling. But at least now I know.

After losing access to the journal service that I used for almost 9 years, I've been looking for a replacement with little success. Lots of places advertise apps to be downloaded on your phone, often with a variety of features that I absolutely do not need, but lacking the browser-usable web interface that I *do* need, or the kind of clean layout and tagging system that would be helpful to me.

In the interim, I'm trying to journal through the Evernote account that I already had for unrelated reasons. It's functional but not ideal.

My brain is so noisy, lately.

I just got... an email that I initially thought was going to be spam, but turned out to be quite interesting. I need to look deeper into it.

I'll be super busy through the weekend since our Pesach tradition includes not just the Seder itself but a holiday meal the following afternoon, too. I'm making the meat for the Seder this year, too, so it'll be a busy time.

So I decided to take Thursday and Sunday as chill days, to get some rest. More mental rest than physical, really. Today I did almost nothing all day. Ate takeout for lunch. Took a very long shower and did some personal grooming rituals. Packed my nice clothes so I can spend the night at my parents' house. I even packed my makeup bag, although we'll see tomorrow whether I really feel like taking the trouble to do my makeup.

Though I'd better double-check that I remembered to pack a mirror.

We got word of the lockdown on the twelfth or thirteenth, two years ago. And the thirteenth, I remember, was a Friday. So that was when I started my personal self-isolation. Exactly two years ago.

The first lockdown, March to May, was the most difficult. But I was a ball of nerves and stress well into the next autumn, as I recall. It feels like a long time ago, but also like no time at all. We are in the same place somehow, but somehow miles ahead.

I don't know.