EGADS

Wednesday, 1 March 2017 20:00
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
I am not delusional because I got a 95 on my logic exam. 91 overall.

fuck.

Sunday, 28 July 2013 14:59
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Uni tried to give me a panic attack by writing the wrong course title on the test paper, thus making me think I might have signed up for the wrong class and would end up not qualifying for a BSc.

I signed up for the right class. And I took the right test. And I'm pretty sure I passed. And Tumblr is blocked on this browser until 5 PM so I'm crawling into bed with my tablet.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
Just as I was saying to myself, "You know, it's time to get off Tumblr and get some work done. Well, maybe a couple more minutes..." my productivity extension kicked in and blocked the whole site. Just as planned.

It will remain blocked until 5 PM. Now I just have to... actually... study.

Mistakes

Saturday, 20 July 2013 10:01
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
Once again I pushed myself too hard in pilates after a long break and am now paying the price.

I guess that qualifies me to lie around on the sofa all day drinking hibiscus tea and watching Mass Effect videos. Heh.

Oh! In happy-making news, I got an 89 on my third exam. *sweat wipe*

Badfeels

Thursday, 11 July 2013 15:58
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Ah, fuck this week and this day and my inability to banish negative feelings even though I'm making progress in the immediate sense.

There's a very real possibility that I failed two tests this exam season. Either way, my prospects for the summer are not looking awesome. Of course, the long and short of this is that I have to fight twice as hard not to dissipate into a huge gooey pile of "avoiding thinking about it" which is only too easy.

I could spend the rest of the weekend playing video games or reading fics or listening to Welcome to Night Vale and on Sunday morning my problems would loom no less large. I'm reminded suddenly of that Verne digressions about pouring oil into a strait in storm.

Now I am going to do two necessary things that ought not to be difficult. I will do them by deciding that they are not difficult, and then dividing them into their constituent parts, so that everything that needs doing gets done at the appropriate time. Most importantly I will not say, "I cannot X until I have Y." That never works.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Low available synaptic serotonin in the prefrontal cortex can lead to increased aggression, inappropriate hostility, and screaming your head off at people who push you on the line for the lightrail.

Chronic stress can cause fluctuations in the immune system, an increase in pro-inflammatory factors in the blood, and a gross psoriatic patch on your ankle.

Altruistic punishment motivates people to sacrifice their own gains in order to maximize an opponent's loss, due to the opponent being perceived as anti-social.

Up to 40% of the variation in temperament and personality between identical twins who shared a placenta can be accounted for by unshared (chiefly peer) environment.

I've slept poorly three nights in a row, I'm stressed and nervous, and I studied less hours than I had intended due to life interference and emotional volatility. I am still pretty sure I'm going to ace the fuck out of this test. Which is good, because I have to leave in about twenty minutes and there's no summary document for me to do a quick review from.

Crossing fingers that I don't mix up vasopressin and oxytocin (or worse yet, 5-HTTLPR and DRD4).

Yay and Woe

Friday, 28 June 2013 14:09
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
First things first, the exam went well. And I feel good about it. Which is good.

After I got home I crawled into bed with my tablet (words I've been using with alarming frequency lately) and only just crawled back out when I felt a funny feeling in my stomach. Which turned out to be enormous hunger because I haven't eaten since seven thirty? Dammit, Ritalin!

Closing In

Saturday, 22 June 2013 12:44
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
I was doing well this morning and then at around noon shit started going to pieces. I made myself a decaf and I'm going to try and buckle down.

It's not helping that I'm flaring up for the first time in god knows how long. I actually had to pull out a topical cream for my elbow and I have a gross patch on my ankle, bluh.

Closing in on the end. Really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Rants

Thursday, 20 June 2013 11:17
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
Right now my main problem is that I don't want to study because the material is boring and I don't care about this test.

I'm also feeling a bit of push back because the therapist seemed very insistent about me not letting this one slide with a sixty and I got a really YOU'RE THROWING YOUR FUTURE AWAY vibe from her. I might be projecting, there's no way to tell.

Grrr.

Thursday, 31 January 2013 16:10
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
It's 4PM and I studied maybe an hour and a half today.

And I badly want a(nother) nap.

Must be because it's so damn miserable out.
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
Okay, so tomorrow's gonna be pretty rough. In the morning I have to show up before class to work on project #1 (the one that's due next week). Then we have a meeting with the lecturer. Then class. Then I rush to the other campus to slap together a last minute exercise in one of the classes I've totally been neglecting all semester, which is worth 15% of the final grade.

Then I rush back, and I have to decide whether to attend the other class I've been neglecting all semester. Either way, I have to stay late in campus and practice the presentation for project #3 that's due tomorrow morning at 9AM and, oh, get some sleep because I have class tomorrow at 9AM. Oh yay.

But both those projects are going relatively well. It was project #2 that was derailed, both by my being ill and primarily by my absurd, irrational loathing for my project partner and everything that comes out of hir mouth and/or keyboard. Ordinarily I am not the most socially well-adjusted and I know that when I'm under academic strain I can blow my lid a little too often and way too hard... This was one such time.

Suffice to say I will be absurdly relieved when the presentation is finally over and done with.

...Then I start gearing up for exams. That's when the two classes I've neglected come to bite me in the ass.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Yesterday I had a difficult exam and then a series of computerized tests for attention deficit. This morning I got the grade for my second-to-last exam and it was pretty good. Last night I had no excuses and so after napping I spent some time writing. Not editing, not ruminating, not agonizing, just putting words to paper (uh, screen) in the order that they came to mind.

Today I am looking at my fanfic folder. There is a lot I want to write, and many in-progress projects that are owed lots of loving attention. My folder also contains an .odt file that is basically nothing but a list of synonyms for the word "inappropriate". Funnily enough, that is also the filename. I despair of decoding my own thought processes.

At any rate, my copy of Dragon Age II shipped from Canada last Wednesday and so will clearly take a while to get here. In the meantime, these are my quiet, self-indulgent days, which means we've finally hit the inevitable point of no return. I am about to start writing Dragon Age fanfic. There is no two ways about it. Realistically, I knew this would happen, but I've been putting it off for months, so it's almost a shock that the writing part is actually going on.

Woe.

Thursday, 2 August 2012 11:12
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Why, oh why do I keep writing shitty poetry instead of studying neurobiology?

My life is sooo haaard. ;_;

Pride today. Fun times. Retracking to the old route, which is shorter and much less steep. Hopefully this may mean I won't be exhausted by the time the march is over.

Since it's all over Tumblr, let me just drop a rec for the visual novel Cinders, a multiple choice ending fairy tale retelling that allows Cinderella to be a raging bitch on wheels in the best way possible. Also there are love interests or something?
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Who got a 92 final grade in intro to MATLAB? \o/

That's right. Natasha Romanov.

Oh. Also Bruce Banner got a 77 final grade in Emotion, which he guesses is sort of okay.

Okay, so [DAO].

Friday, 20 July 2012 17:16
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
Third playthrough. Dalish archer.

How did I ever beat the Fade as a rogue? I know I did it, because my first PT was as a dual-wielder dwarf. But, I got into the Darkspawn Invasion and suddenly realized, crap! My guy only has two levels in dual-weapons training, and archery is just too fucking slow when there are three darkspawn coming at you!

Suddenly really glad I didn't head to the Circle of Magi first thing out of Lothering. Also, where did all my potions go? It seemed like I had an endless supply. I am starting to suspect that my second rogue is vastly inferior to my first. How to recreate the "success" of a messy, tricky, no-experience-playing-RPGs first PT that I barely remember?

Irony of ironies.

Well. At any rate, I won't have much time to play again until after my Tuesday test and Wednesday doctor's appointment, and that's assuming I don't also have a Friday test... which I probably do. Uh. See you Saturday night, internet?

ARMAHGAHD

Monday, 16 July 2012 14:21
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
GUYS GUYS I HAD A BREAKTHROUGH IN MY VERONICA MARS FANFIC I AM SO EXCITE.

Oh, also, my insomnia got so bad I didn't sleep at all on Saturday night and consequently decided to skip the exam this morning. Yikes.

Uni

Wednesday, 11 July 2012 15:14
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Basic: Science)
Pretty sure I nailed today's exam. If I get less than a 90 I'll be shocked beyond words. Plus, I have a one point bonus for one question.

That means I can give myself permission to waffle for the rest of today, and only study four days (not a lot!) for my Monday exam. Which is good, because I'm beat.

FTW

Monday, 2 July 2012 23:08
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
I just want to note that tonight at the LGBT center I won my first game of Munchkin. \o/

Yesterday's test went not too great. I had to answer six questions and I think I answered five, one of them utter nonsense. Hoping for an 80 seems absurd. One awful thing about this test: we had no exercises to hand in during the semester, no quizzes, and there were no practice questions for us to solve before the exam. Not ideal conditions, to say the least. Makes it hard to gap the bridge between what you know and what the lecturer is asking.

My next exam is in a week plus, and it's a lot less pressure. After that, though, all bets are off. Three hard exams in a short time period, one of which I will almost certainly need to take twice. D: For now, though, I'm decompressing.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
What is even with me suddenly writing poetry in the middle of exam season?

Ordinarily I'd be thrilled to be suddenly inspired, since usually poetry for me is like pulling teeth. But, the timing is so inappropriate. I keep having gross feelings all over everything, and this is neither the time nor the place. Okay, maybe it's the place, but definitely not the time.

lolsigh.

How Odd

Wednesday, 27 June 2012 17:34
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Every so often, I'm surprised (again!) to find that I still read much more quickly and efficiently in Hebrew than I do in English, even after fifteen or so years. Even with my notes, in which the Hebrew is interspersed with many technical biological terms. Should it really make a difference? I don't know, but it does.

I'm sinking into that exam season funk where, no matter how much I study, it feels like I should be doing more. It would be easier to shake if I could point out to myself that I am, in fact, studying quite a lot, but that's hard to accomplish when I'm so preemtively dispirited. Conversely, it's harder to convince myself that fewer hours of more high quality studying are preferable, without believing that I'm cutting myself too much slack.

Basically, it's like one of my RL friends said: Even if my intellect is suited to a life of academia, every other part of me isn't.

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