lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
There are so many things that I should do and it's a hassle to try and sort through them all and extract the critical ones from the ones that can wait. And every time I try to do so I get more and more tired and dispirited, until I can't help but think about how I can just give up. I've legitimately thought about giving up writing altogether and anyone who knows me knows that's the last thing that I actually want. I'm just at my wits' end and I don't know how long it's going to take me to reset my brain to a setting where it can actually function. Reading books, writing reviews, editing stories, continuing ongoing projects... it all seems beyond me right now.

Not looking for advice. I've been here before. There's literally nothing you can tell me that I haven't already heard.

At least my new bed should be arriving sometime later today.

(no subject)

Monday, 23 October 2017 19:08
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
I won't have a real bed in my apartment before mid-November. Fun times.

(no subject)

Sunday, 22 October 2017 17:10
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
My apartment is painted fresh but I am very tired and I have no bed.


Sunday, 13 September 2015 10:21
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
The dust storm broke over the night. Particle count is back to normal (< 100 mcg/m^3) as opposed to the ranges between 300 and as high as 600 of last week. I opened the windows. All of them. The house is going to need a thorough cleaning -- much more thorough than I have the energy for.

And tonight is the new year. Happy new year?
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I got back home from Jerusalem much later than I had planned because my parents had a cool houseguest. Consequently the morning was a lost cause but I dedicated much of the afternoon to sweeping and mopping the whole apartment. This is my least favorite house chore, both because it always leaves me tired, sweaty and gross-feeling, and because the apartment gets really nasty if I don't do it often enough. But I'm starting my first week at the new job with a clean floor and fresh linen, which seems auspicious.

Of course as a consequence of not waking up at my own place, and then later the mad rush of neatening and cleaning, I forgot to each a sensibly timed lunch. Now I'm going through a whole progress of figuring out what I can eat and where it can be acquired. I really wish I'd had the good sense to get more supplies for winter-style cooking. Not that I'd break open a bag of red lentils or pearl barley right now. But sooner or later I need to adjust to having foodable foods at home, and for the winter that's really the best stuff.

I wanted to do writing today but probably I will only do TV: How to Get Away with Murder, Haven, and probably/maybe The Flash.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Did a Righteous House Cleaning event, minus mopping which is already a week overdue. And necessary, despite what I told myself when I finished the sweeping. But going through all the major, can't-live-without-them cleaning chores took a lot out of me and also took more than two hours, so I decided it was shower time and I could be reasonably proud of my accomplishments. Especially given I moved all sorts of furniture and found a civilization of dust bunnies under my bed. Next time I move, I'm getting rid of this bedframe and getting one that stands right on the floor, ISTG.

In funner news I also hanged some pictures, finally, so I can point to the positive presence in my living room, not just the lack of dust or piles of paper chores un-taken care of. The aconitum illustration I bought in Venice is above my computer (where I plan to place a desk when I finally find one). Supergirl from Dragon*Con (2011, mind) is hanging above my bed. My great-aunt's seaweed collage went on a nail that was already in, near the front door. That way I see it whenever I'm coming in and closing the door behind me. :D

I am seriously considering upgrading to a newer version of Windows. What I have right now is 7, amd I've already had a dubious acquaintance with 9. The question now is whether to go for 8 in hopes that it meets my lofty needs, or opt to wait for 10. Which may be out already, actually? I'm so out of the loop. Anyway, a massive one-sweep upgrade may be out of the question (both financially and for all the trouble it invariably causes), but maybe I can trickle them in gradually.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I just did the sponja of a lifetime. I'd been negligent in keeping the apartment as clean as I'd like, so I started tracking individual chores through GYD. This is good because that way the chores get divided into easy (wipe the bathroom sink) and difficult (sweep the living room incl. corners). Today I mopped, which is undoubtedly the worst chore of all. Not least because I don't do it often enough, hence the trick with th website that reminds me when I've done it last.

Now I got rid of the last cardboard boxes, and the floor is free of muddy smudges and clean at last. Ish. I mean, any second now I'm gonna start seeing little spots I missed, or little hairs that snuck by my minor compulsive tendencies. But I have gotten the place tolerably clean, even if I haven't yet quite proven that I can keep it sensibly so. Mopping every other week seems reasonable, if I sweep frequently in the meantime. Let's see if I can hold myself to that.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
My living space is awful now and I need to think of contingencies, which is extra difficult because it's hard for me to think in a messed up living space. Also I'm spitting mad at my landlord and also the world.

I spent hours today playing The Sims 2 and not even really enjoying it very much. Really finding it hard to attach my mind to a positive constant. It would be nice to have a smoke gene scroll on Flight Rising, is what I'm saying.

Eating is extra hard because the leak situation is centered in the kitchen corner and not exactly encouraging me to think positively of food (which I have).


Saturday, 12 July 2014 21:13
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Folded the clean white laundry; put in a load of colors to wash; ate several really pretty sensible meals; got dressed and got out of the house; did a little mental health reading; unboxed my printer, still need to find a power cable that fits; wrote a little; did stretches.

Still need to turn off the computer to hook it up to the emergency power outage thingum. I think that's where the printer's power cord went. Also blood tests and some paperwork to do with the utility bills. And I need to go up to Jerusalem some time this week and figure some shit out, but IDK, that's less urgent?

Little Woes

Monday, 7 July 2014 17:53
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Earlier today I had an idea but I didn't write it down and now it's gone. Also I've been angsting about fandom and politics.

Then I came home and very gratefully received the aid of a well-meaning person in getting my washing machine operational. Well-meaning individual left after determining that the machine worked, and some ten minutes later the dirty water from the short cycle started draining onto my floor. Did I mention that I don't have a new desk yet? The computer chassis was on the floor. Commence emergency mopping.

Now I'm watching the machine with hawk-eyes and once I've ruled it fit for active duty I'm going to commence emergency mopping on myself.

Unlazy Habits

Saturday, 5 July 2014 12:46
lea_hazel: I am surrounded by tiny red hearts (Feel: Love)
As a responsible resident it is my duty to patronize coffee shops on the weekend, and so this morning I treated myself to a nice brunch. Then I cleaned the apartment thoroughly and consequently came to three conclusions:

  1. That I need to clean more often.

  2. That I really need to sweep thoroughly before I try mopping the floor.

  3. That I really need a haircut.

Also that this area is much more humid than my hometown, which means the mopped floor fails to dry in an appropriate amount of time. Which is zero. Zero time.

If I close the window and put on the air conditioning I'll be much cooler and also will be able to wander the apartment in my towel indefinitely. On the other hand, my AC has a tendency to shower the kitchen counter with little black grains of dust, and I literally just cleaned that counter.


Tuesday, 1 July 2014 17:38
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Apartment business I just about over and done with. At the end of the day, everything that needed to get done was done, with much help from certain quarters (and significantly less from others). I have a few loose ends to wrap, but I feel I can take a much deserved break into more low-key shore activity.

Which means now is as good a time as any to establish a good grocery shopping routine, and corresponding menu. Maybe I'll get myself on a decent meal schedule, finally.


Sunday, 15 June 2014 21:53
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
In my fortress, a lot of things that are normally very difficult and anxiety-inducing were suddenly easy and routine to the point of not disrupting my emotions at all.

That's why I call it a fortress. )

Anyway, I don't have a therapist to brag to, so you get to hear about it instead.


Wednesday, 4 June 2014 13:00
lea_hazel: Don't make me look up from my book (Basic: Reading)
Yesterday I moved into my new place: a rental, quite costly, much nearer my workplace than my previous home.

For context: today is a holiday, which means yesterday was erev chag - holiday starts at sunset the previous day, and many/most commercial things are closed/unavailable, depending on the status quo. Tomorrow is a workday, but Friday is another such half-day, because of Shabbat. My new neighborhood has a fairly lax status quo. Like, there is a non-kosher cafe across the street from me.

My internet line gets installed tomorrow morning. I was preparing to struggle with entertaining myself and keeping busy all holiday. And I was prepared! For noodle's sake, I packed three boxes of books! Then I discovered a neighborly open wifi connection.

The place is still partly or mostly unpacked, and has a number of unsightly hazards that need dealing with, some stuff of mine I need to replace, and a few necessary chores. Not quite in hosting shape, and I'm still not totally comfortable in it. But that was to be expected. It might take a while to banish that agoraphobic "I need to take a rest from this place" feeling.

So much else to write, but hopefully I can make a proper blog post tomorrow evening.

Apartment Update

Wednesday, 28 May 2014 23:12
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I have the actual keys in hand.

Let the packing festivities begin.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
My move has been delayed by a tenant-renter domino effect. I'm not sure what my feelings on this are. I'm uncertain of a lot of my feelings right now. I got a book about cognitive behavioral therapy and have been reading it in careful increments, but I think that might have been optimistic.

Just a bit ago I felt like I had a lot to say.

I've been picking at the first world SF anthology. Short stories are hard for me to engage with, but I enjoyed several of the ones I read. I think I'll try to dedicate a post to the book, later on. I've also been replaying Cinders now that it's on Steam and getting a sceond wind, and playing the hell out of Heroine's Quest.

Dumbing of Age has been ratcheting up the drama something fierce. Two of my favorite female characters are coming into crisis over their angsty backstories at the same time, and somehow they've come into a collision course, too.

The [community profile] trope_bingo deadline is coming up fast, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll likely fail this one as well. I'm not distressed as such over work taking time away from my hobbies, because duh, reality. I think I was just clinging a little to the idea of making a checkbox-shaped space in my brain and labeling it "trope bingo", mostly because of my own issues with procrastination and completing projects.

There was conflict at the office this week that distressed me. It wasn't aimed at me, or even between employees, but it was just very uncomfortable for a while.

Oh! As part of not having the energy to do anything fun, I've spent most of the week with pizza and Person of Interest season three. Yes, I'm up to that part. Super impressed by the fact that it's not only a fridging, but a conduit fridging. Like, the whole thing is set up not only for the edification and suffering of the male characters, but to tear them apart and consequently bring them back together, closer than ever. At least, that's my take on it.

Anyway, I'd best wrap up this patchwork quilt of an entry before I think of something else, and then another after that.

Moving House

Saturday, 10 May 2014 11:58
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
The previous occupant of my new apartment is meant to be leaving near the end of this week. Safe to say that the initial, "oh, that's a while from now!" dismay at signing the lease has changed to, "I need to get everything done now."

I've never moved out of town before, and between that and work I have a little less leeway than previous moves. Once certain things are moved I have to be in, or else I'd have to stay with my parents for a weekend and that could get messy for everyone involved. Even in a two-week window, I've already managed to put things off too long. To wit, the phone company needs two weeks' notice for installing my router in the new place.

Organizing is not my strong suit. All I know is, I need a bed, a fridge and an internet connection before I can live somewhere.
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
There's been a heat-wave for several days, but it's pretty cloudy out. Cloudy and hot, and odd combination. I'm not sure whether it's the odd weather or something else, but my joints have started acting up. Last night I went out to a game event with some friends at the local LGBT center, and towards the end of the evening my right arm was hurting something fierce. Even my hands are giving me trouble. It's something like thirty degrees out and I'm sitting around with fingerless gloves (which really help).

Life )

Mostly everything is good. I think writing a blog post (which I haven't made a proper one of in a while) will probably help me gather my mind. I'll put on some jeans and pop out to see what the whether is tangibly like. Maybe I'll dash into the city for a few chores.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
It's been ages since I wrote for DW and I want to write a post. The problem is a lot has happened and also nothing has happened at all, so I'm drawing a blank on what to write.

I do work. I think I am going to do well at this job, although maybe it's soon to tell. And I fuck up at looking for an apartment, because that's the type of adulting I mess up and then get anxious about, which causes me to mess up more. And I have decided not to think about discrete mathematics until I have a little more time on my hands and a little space to breathe.

I've been exploiting my tablet and my Kobo app to glom books. I'd like to read three books a month this year, that's my stated goal. So I have given myself permission to read the books I'm reading, instead of getting stuck on "reading" books I never pick up (sorry, China Mieville).

Right now I'm reading the third October Daye book. Despite the background presence of an "adversarial" manly lust-interest who ticks me off by virtue of existing, I find I quite like it. Something about the atmosphere or the texture of the book satisfies some deeply-held need I've had for urban fantasy, in a way that's usually been thwarted before.

I'd like to write but when I get home I'm too tired for even low-rent porn.


lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)

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