lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
[personal profile] lea_hazel
There are people who are fucked up and people who are basically normal, functional, whatever. People who've got their shit together. Then there are people who are basically pretty fucked up but are trying to unfuck themselves, and that's a process that can last indefinitely. Some people spend their whole lives trying to unfuck themselves, and that's okay.

Between two basically normal people, relationships are simple. Not that there aren't difficulties or that they can't go wrong, or that they are always good, successful relationships. But the normalness is measured not in lack of problems but in the ability to problem-solve without setting yourself or your immediate surroundings on fire.

When two people are both fucked up, whatever passes between them is commensurately fucked up, but still basically simple.

If both parties are in a relationship are fucked up, and one of them is trying to unfuck their life, the relationship needs to end. Otherwise the passive party keeps dragging back the active party and they both suffer. When you're in the middle of this process it feels like a cruel thing to do. It's not.

A complicated variation is if both people are trying to unfuck themselves. IDK, but I think this is probably a bad idea. Like. Isolate your variables. Don't try to do everything at once.

When one person is trying to unfuck themselves and their partner (or friend, or what not) is basically functional, a relationship is more difficult but can still be successful, as long as the more fucked up party keeps trying to unfuck themselves and as long as the normal party knows boundaries.

If a relationship as above goes to shit, it's because the normal party is a lot more fucked up than they're copping to. This one is dangerous because it's stealthy, and you have to know what to look for, to see what's really going on under the surface.

Similarly, if a healthy person is in a relationship with someone totally fucked up, it usually has something to do with them not being as together as they pass themselves off as.

Or I'm full of shit. That's also a distinct possibility.

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lea_hazel

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