(no subject)

Wednesday, 3 April 2019 19:47
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Sooo I should do a life update? But the really important stuff is stuff that I can't talk about right now? Maybe I should wait. Maybe right now all you need to know is that I'm alive and my bedroom ceiling is leaking.

March 2019

Sunday, 3 March 2019 12:11
lea_hazel: I am surrounded by tiny red hearts (Feel: Love)
January and February were both pretty messed up for different reasons. I was hoping to close February on a positive note but that did not turn out well. I have higher hopes for March, albeit tentative. I want to try and put shit back together, and hold onto things, if only by my fingernails. I have a long-term plan, although executing it is difficult, especially when I find myself constantly mired in keeping up with the details of day to day life.

I'm working from home today due to complicated circumstances. It has its upsides, for sure.

Nothing is on fire and I have made a little progress on both writing and work. I really can't ask for much more, at this point.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Right now I have the kind of cold that makes everything seem terrible, and like it has always been terrible and always will be terrible. So it's not a good time to ask me about things in general. I am tired and worn down and I have work deadlines and other pressures. I have not touched my game since early December.

The only state in which I'm really comfortable right now is that ephemeral state between sleep and wakefulness that happens when you wake up, but don't have to get out of bed or go back to sleep. And I of course am not getting very much of that right now. When I do, it makes me late for work and then I have to play catch-up with my hours.

I uninstalled Facebook and Twitter from my phone in the hopes of increasing my productivity and maybe doing some light reading in my down time. Instead I'm just out of touch with everyone and I can't remember the last time I finished a book. I have not done my daily pages in two weeks, and every time my phone alarm rings I fight the urge to dash it against the wall.

Life Update

Tuesday, 15 January 2019 22:27
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
I've got a couple more days of antibiotics for my busted thumb, and it's supposed to maybe snow tomorrow in Jerusalem.

Other than that, I'm working too much and not writing enough, and everything's more or less the same.
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
I wanted to write tonight, to see if I could squeeze a few hundred more words into the last month of the year, to make the word counts look a little prettier. Not sure that's in the cards, though. I'm pretty worn out. Last night a back pain kept me up, and it took a while before I remembered that, uh, I can take something for that. It cost me some rest. And tomorrow I have to make up some time at work. I may get home too exhausted to write then, too.

I will definitely be too tired to celebrate, so I've preemptively given up on that, too.

And navigating the rain and cold is drawing off some of my excess energy, too. The rain is good for us, but it still makes my life just a bit more of a pain in the ass.

I will try to do an end of year post tomorrow, at the very least. I also have some Verity stories scattered that need to be pieced together. And then the next day is YT author reveals and I'll probably do a post about that. Even though I have not read much of the YT archive this year. Yet? Hopefully yet.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
Bonkers day at work. Scheduled the washing machine to finish its cycle at 7PM but got home too tired to do anything but (badly) reheat some leftovers and watch TV on the computer.

So many things I'm behind on, I can't.

(no subject)

Monday, 29 October 2018 22:30
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
I fully intend to exploit the opportunity of the municipal elections to get some fucking writing done. I can feel parts of my brain atrophying. I need it.

And, I mean, vote. I'm gonna vote, too. I just don't have super high hopes for the municipal elections, because they're not 60% complete including code.

(no subject)

Thursday, 25 October 2018 20:06
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
For the last three weeks, I've told my Pilates instructors about my new job, and how crunched up I am from sitting in front of the computer all day, at every single lesson. Never used to say things like that.

I mean, it's clearly good for me, and all.

*yawn*

Tuesday, 16 October 2018 20:51
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Due to my "in bed by nine, asleep by ten" policy (which is failing, but nm) I have not yet mustered the time or energy to sign up for Yuletide. Boo.

But today/yesterday Aly (of Azalyne Studios) broke her silence and published a couple of crunchy posts on her Tumblr. I've queued a bunch of responses and I'm having Thoughts.

God, I want week seven so bad. But it's legit much better for me in general if it dawdles for at least another month, to give me time to adjust to my work schedule and stuff.

And maybe, heaven forbid, get my sleep schedule under control.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
I'm entering an adjustment period of unknown length with the new job. I am too tired to write, all the time. I had some hopes for the weekend but other priorities intruded. All I got around to is rereading some WIP stuff and posting a draft on the AO3.

Keeping up with chores and self-care is also work. And of course at the end of the day I only have about two hours of leisure time to myself in the evening, and by then I'm usually too exhausted for anything more challenging than TV.

I need to wash my hair, though.

(no subject)

Tuesday, 9 October 2018 20:54
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Was I this bad last time I started a new job? I hope not.

Woo.

Saturday, 6 October 2018 20:54
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
First day of the new job tomorrow.

Getting up super early. Should probably try to, you know, sleep? Soon-ish? I just wanted to be sure I would commemorate this occasion. I've been unemployed since January and it's been ups and downs. And I've been stressing about this job for a while. Everything's gonna be okay.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
On the face of it, September was not a good writing month. My word count spread sheet, which I am still diligently keeping for 2018, shows about 11K pure words written in September. The holidays were a huge drain on my mental resources, and despite my best intentions, most mid-week holiday days didn't get used as full writing days. Lots of days off were taken. Lots of naps were taken. But also, on a more optimistic note, I did a lot of background and outlining work. I did a lot of code work on Turncoat Chronicle, too.

In other fun news there was Icon 2018 which was mind-blowingly awesome, to be quite honest. And I got my first-ever fanart early in Sept. for TC, followed closely by the second. So that was a pretty amazing tick on my writer's checklist.

I start my new job on Sunday and I haven't (yet?) written a con wrap-up post.

I have a hell of a lot to do with what little is left of the week and I just got up an hour ago from a totally unnecessary nap. Seems like a perfect time to sink into an hour or two of Skyrim, for no particular reason.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Today existed to remind me that (and why) I will most likely not be able to work a full time job again.

If I muster enough energy for dinner and a shower, it will be a minor miracle.
lea_hazel: Angry General Elodie (Genre: Games)
The first week of Yuri Game Jam went relatively well. It's hard to tell at this point how well things will proceed, but I have a team and a solid design and a solid story outline. The biggest challenge (though by no means the only one) will be my inexperience with managing other people. I'm not that great at timetables and such, so figuring out deadlines will have to be a collaborating effort. I expect things to get fairly chaotic at certain points, but I'm hopeful we'll manage through the mess.

I've posted multiple times to Tumblr about my new Discord channel and I'm also aiming to post updates to the jam forums. Might post to Lemma Soft too, if I find the energy to keep up with it all.

Health-wise things are going not great, and there's not much more I can add about that.

Things are work are okay but for various reasons my direct supervisor right now is much more micro-managing than I'm used to.

There's a lot going on but I don't really have the wherewithal to analyze it all.
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
It helps me think. But there always seems to be too damn much going on, and I always seem to be criminally behind on something.

I took my one and only exam for the semester and it went remarkably well. I am cautiously optimistic about my grade, which I won't find out for a while yet. My next semester starts in late March, a little more than two weeks from now. Much more intimidating, because it's one of the more notorious branches of mathematics. It's a CS requirement, though, and I think a face-to-face class will force me to pay more attention to the lectures, compared to sitting on my sofa and watching the lecture through the computer. Still, it's another shot for my "get ahead of the material in case you fall behind later" plan, which has never yet quite succeeded as intended.

Work-wise I have deadlines and more responsibilities and I'm sitting with the rest of my team instead of in a separate cubicle, so there's progress there. I work hard to get in enough hours a month, not only to stay on top of my workload but also because I get paid by the hour. Working in an office is still a struggle because at a certain point the fluorescent lights and over-exposure to smells etc. starts to wear me down. Bug generally I'm keeping up and getting good feedback.

Writing is exciting. I submitted a short story today. I've been trying to put it together from an idea that surfaced unexpectedly, part-way into outlining a totally different piece for the same deadline. That other piece is partly drafted but still languishing. I also have a rejected piece that I need to decide whether/to whom to submit next. In game writing I did FFS Jam and it was pretty great, but ow I'm losing momentum in the journey to polish the alpha to perfection. And now March is starting and I'm on a team doing NaNoRenO.

More on that last part, probably tomorrow.

I have to remember that writing down everything I'm doing not only reminds me of everything I'm behind on, but also everything I've accomplished. When I describe my life to other people, it sounds a lot better than it does in my head.

Life Update

Tuesday, 7 February 2017 12:09
lea_hazel: Angry General Elodie (Genre: Games)
My coworkers have learned of my migraines this week and I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. In every other respect work is pretty good.

I'm looking into finding a new primary care physician, but for unrelated reasons.

The alpha of Wreath of Roses, my secondary world fantasy intrigue text game, will most likely stay up on itch.io for another week (because I might as well make the date a little symbolic). After that it goes back into "in development" mode while I (continue to) search for an editor. I would like to get it as good as it can be, and I'm also interested in commissioning a new logo by a more experienced graphic artist. Mainly I've been looking on the Lemma Soft forum, home of all things both gamey and narrative-y.

Otherwise things are good. I'm conflicted between plugging on with the short stories I have in progress, versus trying to come up with a new (more modest) game concept. I took a look at my philome.la page when I was doing some promotion, and I haven't posted a new game in ages. I miss it a little. But then, there are other things to consider. Writing is hard.

Anyway, if you wanna play WOR and don't mind the typos and assorted blemishes, definitely do it now.

(no subject)

Thursday, 19 January 2017 16:25
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Yesterday I had such a productive day, but today my head hurts and I don't want to do anything. D:

...behind.

Sunday, 3 July 2016 08:34
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I'm rather behind on replies and some other things, so please bear with me. I will get back to everyone, hopefully soon.

(no subject)

Wednesday, 18 May 2016 17:41
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
What happens is, I think I’m leaving work at a reasonable hour because I’m keyed up and I feel pretty energetic. I go home and on the way I think of all the things I’ll Do. Then I get home and feel myself fading. Feel, in fact, that I had been fading for a while and didn’t notice. And now it’s quarter to six. I have a homework assignment due tonight. If I don’t send it in my life will become Very Complicated Indeed. I am so very tired, but nervous to lie down in case resting/napping will just make me groggy and irritable. There is precedent for this.

At least, I can remind myself, there is always an option of just cutting my losses on this semester and moving on.

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