Laughter Through Tears

I fucked up both my vacation plans and my writing plans pretty badly, but it's too late and I'm too tired to take care of it properly right now. a decent night's sleep and a hot shower will put me in a better frame of mind to handle whatever needs handling.

Anyone want to read my email for me, because I am seriously not up to it.

The weather is grinding me down pretty badly.

Doesn't help that I'm running on half the usual amount of antihistamines. Because I need to refill prescriptions. And I don't want to go to the pharmacy. Because it's so hot and still and dusty outside.

I have the most legendary headache.

Edit: I got my headache under control! \o/

Let today the thirteenth of April be forever commemorated as the day on which I was not vanquished by a migraine.

Keep thinking, "I'm pretty sure I have a medical exam scheduled tomorrow, I better not be late, haha how funny would it be if it were today- OH FUCK" when you realize that it was scheduled for twenty minutes ago. Note to self: Monday and Tuesday are totally different days. Not the same. At all.

Just... the gnawing hunger of my brain.

More and more I am seeing direct results and beginning to comprehend just how huge the difference in, when trying to get any kind of work done, between working with and without the effects of methylphenidate. Right now, for example, it is getting very difficult to control the thought machine. For the first time I feel like I have a small idea of what it means to function on a daily basis when every little task does not become some sort of federal case. Possibly someday soon I will look back on the fact that I only started taking it now as a tragedy.

I have a MATLAB project due Tuesday and I may have just learned I need to throw out almost everything I've done so far. Because I failed to do sufficient research into the basic capabilities of the toolboxes I was using, in a timely and orderly fashion, before I dove right in to start writing code. Which is the most foolish mistake I can possibly imagine making.

Not feeling too great about myself right now.

Luckily or perhaps not so much I can do heavy load "crunch days" today, tomorrow and Saturday, and even most of Sunday if necessary. The only problem then would be where to direct that time because I'm at a loss for ideas right now. Crisis point.

If I make it past this it's one down, five to go. I am so close to the end, it's just ear enough to taunt me.

At least I filled my prescription and I think I'll finally be rid of the furious looking red scratchy rashes that have infected my forearms and thighs lately, whenever they've been exposed to the air. It's either heat rash or pollen allergies but either way I'm sick of scratching myself to rawness and slathering myself in moisturizer by turns.

FML.