Laughter Through Tears

I made a big order from Torrid and the first half of it arrived this week. Not the one with the bicycle shorts (which I can't wait to try on), but a bunch of clearance stuff that I decided to take a chance on because it was so discounted (and my wardrobe hasn't been refreshed much in the last few years).

And today I did an experiment where I tried wearing a t-shirt over a bralette and going outside with it. Like down to the bakery to get coffee, not just popping out to get the mail. It felt pretty comfortable even though I could tell that I had less support than a real underwire bra. I couldn't tell if other people were noticed because my mental dial had turned itself all the way over from "self-conscious" to "oblivious".

I've been wearing it a lot around the house, though. It's a racerback, which is nice, but I sometimes struggle to get it back off.

Everything is happening.

Thursday was a friend's birthday party, which I sadly missed due to falling asleep at ten-ish. On Friday I managed to repair a messed up situation regarding my regular prescriptions, with largely no ill-effect, which I feel I can be proud of. Then I skipped out on family dinner because it's almost Pesach and I'll be seeing everyone soon, anyway.

Speaking of Pesach, sometime in winter there was a sale at Torrid and I picked up two dressed that I've been waiting for spring to wear. One of them needed hemming, so I went to the local seamstress and promptly forgot to pick it up for about a month. At least these kinds of slipups don't prey on my mind the way they ordinarily used to do.

So many people around me are doing depression blogging. Really makes you appreciate certain things.

Tuesday is the first holiday and then on Wednesday and Thursday I have work, and possibly the local spring con in the evening. Gonna have to bite the bullet and ask my sister if I can crash at hers one night. Then again, I don't know how many of the events I'd really be interested in. At least when it comes to a workday evening.

Today is the day between two job interviews (for the same position) and I feel inexplicably unproductive. I did do things -- looked at train schedules and rent estimates, went grocery shopping, skimmed several job postings -- somehow that seems to slip away from my awareness. February is an odd month. Spring is creeping up to judge me (spring is undoubtedly the most judgmental of the four seasons) but the cold and the dark are still getting me down.

If I have a job by Valentine's Day I will declare 2014 an unmitigated success. Or rather, HTSHA`D, I suppose.

I told my sister I was planning to submit to a major newspaper's unpublished prose writers' contest. I ought, I have a mythological tale that's been burning a hole in my brain, and all it's short is a hook of some sort.

I wonder if my blue button-down shirt still fits properly. Many of my things are comically baggy, now. At least I'm off the zolpidem, thank heavens, although probably a work routine will do better for my living habits than anything else. And my computer is stable, which is a damned relief.

Why is my thought process all over the place.

We've been sorting through years (in my brother's case decades) of comics to figure out what we keep and what we try to sell. All the keepers go in my spacious new cabinets, sorted into shoeboxes for convenience (we are out of boxes and need more). I've taken this opportunity to try and catch up with monthlies I haven't been keeping up with. During school time, it was hard to keep in mind things like "when the monthly comics package comes in the mail" and "what happened last month" and "how far along am I" and besides, I was finding it generally harder to read.

Looking at the current subscription, there's a bunch of stuff I'm not sure I want to keep up with. Why did we subscribe to JLA, again? It seemed like a good idea at the time. And now that X-Factor is wrapping up (seven years of my life, right there) I don't know if we'll find enough monthlies we want to make shipping worthwhile. Legit, if I could get Saga digitally, I might just drop everything else. I just need to talk to my brother about it.

Then today I went to the pharmacy and sat for the make-up lady for about an hour. And made a hole in my budget. Good news, though, everyone says I look fantastic. I don't know if I'll ever get used to mascara, though.

Otherwise I'm just drowning myself in fandom and fanfic projects, trying to brush up on professional topics that I haven't touched in ages, and generally keeping busy to keep anxiety at bay. Trope bingo is going better than I had been concerned. For a while it looked like I'd have all ideas and no follow-through, a disease I'm intimately familiar with. However, things are looking up and that helps me generally feel good about myself. Well, the Wellbutrin gets some credit, too.

My goal for the rest of the week is to get all my schoolwork done in advance so that I can have the weekend to unwind guilt-free. Always allowing that one of my classes doesn't pop a last minute exercise on me. One of them already managed to upload an exercise a week in advance, which I would be fine with, if I hadn't just shifted to trying to get my shit worked up in a more timely fashion, and not the day it's due.

Oh well. I knew it would be an adjustment period, you can't unwrite years of bad habits in two weeks. At least some of the errands I'm running are connected to pleasant things, like sending gifts to friends and picking up a package with a cute, sassy t-shirt. Not to mention scheduling time to invent a new recipe. Plus if I'm very, very good I can reward myself by playing hours and hours of Dragon Age on Saturday afternoon when Tumblr is dead.

All in all, yay.

I am starting to hit anxio-frenzy on my travel preparations. There is so much on the agenda that isn't strictly necessary, but that I would feel much better about accomplishing. I want to buy some clothes, and get a haircut, go to a demonstration and see my friends. And write, a lot. My writing output this month was much lower than I'd hoped.

IDK, whatever. We checked off all the things we can't travel without. I guess that's the important part. If I can't resolve my fictional conflict before Wednesday... I guess my fic will be even later than it already is. We'll only be away for a week, anyhow.

...I'll never leave you.

Now I feel like I'm back in classes.

I had blood taken this morning and fuck my arm is sore. Also I was super cranky and a little disoriented because of the fasting. I had two classes today and I got a much better idea of what I'm in for this semester. Experimental psychology has a poster project, which is pretty WTF. Also, I don't have a lab partner for chemistry, and also apparently fat people don't do lab? Finding a lab coat that fits over my hips has been a trial.

The latest flash update of Homestuck was sort of disappointingly dull, I don't think we learned anything new. I keep wanting to do a "Why you should read Homestuck" post and then... not knowing if I really want to recommend it or not. It's definitely unlike everything I've ever read, and it definitely has its moments, but... IDK.

I got new bras and 1) good bras cost even more than the shitty kind I've been wearing, 2) my breasts are apparently pretty big? I wear baggy comfortable shirts, so no one really noticed, but my breast feel and look, to me, much larger than I'd gotten used to thinking of them. Also I've spent years adjusting my straps to be way too long, and hooking them wrong and, IDK, I guess wearing bras is super complicated? When I was thirteen, mastering hooking them behind my back seemed like a huge accomplishment. It's sort of like, "Yeah, congrats, you mastered LAMARCKISM. Now scrap everything and start over! :D:D:D"

I am in a weird mood.

Today I was in the computer lab until minutes before it closed. I came perilously near to being kicked out by the guys who work there.

Tomorrow I buy shoes. I hope.

Also, I think I accidentally started shipping Vriska<>John.