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Wednesday, 18 May 2016 17:41What happens is, I think I’m leaving work at a reasonable hour because I’m keyed up and I feel pretty energetic. I go home and on the way I think of all the things I’ll Do. Then I get home and feel myself fading. Feel, in fact, that I had been fading for a while and didn’t notice. And now it’s quarter to six. I have a homework assignment due tonight. If I don’t send it in my life will become Very Complicated Indeed. I am so very tired, but nervous to lie down in case resting/napping will just make me groggy and irritable. There is precedent for this.
At least, I can remind myself, there is always an option of just cutting my losses on this semester and moving on.
At least, I can remind myself, there is always an option of just cutting my losses on this semester and moving on.
Health Stuff.
Tuesday, 1 December 2015 11:57This is just health blather as I try to sort out in my mind all the things that could be caused by almost anything.
( Read more... )
Fun times were had by all.
( Read more... )
Fun times were had by all.
The results on my thyroid-related things are not encouraging. Therefore I am going to do two things, the first of which is to go to the pharmacy and buy some 1000mg vitamin D gel caplets (and a hot water battle because it is terribly cold in my hobbit-hole). Then I am going to make an appointment for an endocrinologist, by phone, which will be very fun. So much fun!
No, I have not gotten around to watching Jessica Jones yet, although I am confident from reactions that it will probably meet 80-85% of my expectations. Roughly. I have also not yet watched the midseason finale of HTGAWM. And I have not finished reading Baru Cormorant.
In fact, I exited Sunless Sea hell only to immediately dig myself a chest-high ditch in 7KPP alpha hell. Yes, there is a new alpha update and I am flipping out every which way. As usual, with a branching storyline the new content is scattered across multiple playthroughs and so unlocking everything I want/need to see is taking some time. I have had a hard time resisting playing the game late at night on my laptop, which has done my circadian cycle no favors.
Meanwhile writing is proceeding sort of apace with 3-4 stories running in parallel. And writing in Hebrew now, because I'm doing a workshop. And thinking of gathering a local writers' social group for chatty meetings twice a month or so.
No, I have not gotten around to watching Jessica Jones yet, although I am confident from reactions that it will probably meet 80-85% of my expectations. Roughly. I have also not yet watched the midseason finale of HTGAWM. And I have not finished reading Baru Cormorant.
In fact, I exited Sunless Sea hell only to immediately dig myself a chest-high ditch in 7KPP alpha hell. Yes, there is a new alpha update and I am flipping out every which way. As usual, with a branching storyline the new content is scattered across multiple playthroughs and so unlocking everything I want/need to see is taking some time. I have had a hard time resisting playing the game late at night on my laptop, which has done my circadian cycle no favors.
Meanwhile writing is proceeding sort of apace with 3-4 stories running in parallel. And writing in Hebrew now, because I'm doing a workshop. And thinking of gathering a local writers' social group for chatty meetings twice a month or so.
Medical News
Sunday, 22 March 2015 19:04So the doctor said, "I think it's probably migraines, so here, go see a neurologist." He mentioned that a neuro might possibly want to do x-rays or a CT. But I am kind of glad just to know that it sounds like migraines to someone other than myself.
On the other hand, I completely forgot to mention the cold/virus/something I had for half of last week.
I should write. I know that writing will make me feel better. I know I will feel accomplished. It will help my emotional balance and it will be fun. Good, productive-like fun. I just... need to kickstart it somehow.
On the other hand, I completely forgot to mention the cold/virus/something I had for half of last week.
I should write. I know that writing will make me feel better. I know I will feel accomplished. It will help my emotional balance and it will be fun. Good, productive-like fun. I just... need to kickstart it somehow.
WAAAAAAAAwaaaaaaWAAAAAAAAAAwaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sunday, 13 July 2014 17:46Today's siren caught me just as I was about to leave work.
I still have this vague feeling that maybe I'm not as anxious as I should be? But then I remember the random muscle cramps and the general lack of restfulness of my sleep.
New dr. sent me for blood tests which I have been putting off. Most of the same stuff I usually get tested for (perennial vitamin D and TSH) but without some of the inflammatory factors. So far I'm pretty pleased with new Dr. although it is a little soon to tell. I am also thinking about other health practitioners and whether I might want to seek them out.
My coping mechanism is refreshing the Flight Rising marketplace over and over, waiting for my smoke tert scroll to show up. And dwelling on things I did successfully. That one's a fun new addition.
I still have this vague feeling that maybe I'm not as anxious as I should be? But then I remember the random muscle cramps and the general lack of restfulness of my sleep.
New dr. sent me for blood tests which I have been putting off. Most of the same stuff I usually get tested for (perennial vitamin D and TSH) but without some of the inflammatory factors. So far I'm pretty pleased with new Dr. although it is a little soon to tell. I am also thinking about other health practitioners and whether I might want to seek them out.
My coping mechanism is refreshing the Flight Rising marketplace over and over, waiting for my smoke tert scroll to show up. And dwelling on things I did successfully. That one's a fun new addition.
Folded the clean white laundry; put in a load of colors to wash; ate several really pretty sensible meals; got dressed and got out of the house; did a little mental health reading; unboxed my printer, still need to find a power cable that fits; wrote a little; did stretches.
Still need to turn off the computer to hook it up to the emergency power outage thingum. I think that's where the printer's power cord went. Also blood tests and some paperwork to do with the utility bills. And I need to go up to Jerusalem some time this week and figure some shit out, but IDK, that's less urgent?
Still need to turn off the computer to hook it up to the emergency power outage thingum. I think that's where the printer's power cord went. Also blood tests and some paperwork to do with the utility bills. And I need to go up to Jerusalem some time this week and figure some shit out, but IDK, that's less urgent?
Look right through me
Wednesday, 9 April 2014 20:27It's amazing how I can leave work feeling pretty energetic and positive about the workday, and thinking about all the stuff I can do at home in the evening. And then ten minutes later as I'm walking to the bus, suddenly my mind's not distracted and all the sensations it was ignoring become deeply obvious. My back's liek a rock, I'm wiped-out tired, I can't wait to get out of my bra and I can feel my shoelaces digging into the skin on top of my feet.
I'm getting into the rhythm of the work, but today I had a couple of disappointments. Sunday marked me working there for a full month, and so far there's no hint that they're less than pleased with me, or considering ending my employment at the end of the trial period. Heaven knows they took a big risk on me, and I on them, given the weight of the work. For the moment, we seem to be working out well together.
Despite being too worn and forgetful to update my Goodreads or post about it here, I've been taking excellent advantage of my tablet as an e-reader. Between the commute and reading myself to sleep, I've made a dent in my reading plans for the year (36 books a year or 3 books a month). It helps that I've accepted leaving aside some books I'd planned to finish, and am succumbing gleefully to my brain's whims. And I started the year by getting into several different book series, so the serial continuity pushes me forward.
Miraculously, my creativity hasn't skittered to a halt. I still think about stories and am actively working on several WIPs. Just earlier today, I suddenly had a flash of inspiration for a scene to climb out of a stalled plot. Yay me.
I'm getting into the rhythm of the work, but today I had a couple of disappointments. Sunday marked me working there for a full month, and so far there's no hint that they're less than pleased with me, or considering ending my employment at the end of the trial period. Heaven knows they took a big risk on me, and I on them, given the weight of the work. For the moment, we seem to be working out well together.
Despite being too worn and forgetful to update my Goodreads or post about it here, I've been taking excellent advantage of my tablet as an e-reader. Between the commute and reading myself to sleep, I've made a dent in my reading plans for the year (36 books a year or 3 books a month). It helps that I've accepted leaving aside some books I'd planned to finish, and am succumbing gleefully to my brain's whims. And I started the year by getting into several different book series, so the serial continuity pushes me forward.
Miraculously, my creativity hasn't skittered to a halt. I still think about stories and am actively working on several WIPs. Just earlier today, I suddenly had a flash of inspiration for a scene to climb out of a stalled plot. Yay me.
I took a day off to go to a doctor's appointment (specialist, too difficult to reschedule, already missed one appointment) and managed to squeeze in a few other chores and also some more restful stuff. I had a nice brunch at a cafe, I read a whole bunch (Gail Carriger, Changeless) and I took an unplanned nap. I also did dishes, cycled a laundry and just now rallied my last energy to change the linen. All stuff meant to make my environment more pleasant and the rest of my work week easier.
I failed to cook as I had intended, but the vegetables I bought on Friday are still good. I compromised by laying out all of the ingredients and hoping I'd be able to muster a bit of energy tomorrow evening. I'd have liked to spend a couple of hours sinking into a game, because it really turns off my brain like nothing else, but I kind of shut down towards the evening.
I failed to cook as I had intended, but the vegetables I bought on Friday are still good. I compromised by laying out all of the ingredients and hoping I'd be able to muster a bit of energy tomorrow evening. I'd have liked to spend a couple of hours sinking into a game, because it really turns off my brain like nothing else, but I kind of shut down towards the evening.
Hello, February. Loom a Little More, Please.
Friday, 31 January 2014 10:50IDK what happened to this month week. Well, I know what happened to yesterday. A family chore popped up at an inopportune time, and served to remind me of several personal medical chores that I fucked up. I know there was at least one day when I did surprisingly much writing with surprising ease. With the semester only a month away, I've motivated myself to watch more MIT lectures. My mother's call yesterday interrupted the third one.
My weekend listlessness seems to have arrived early.
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rarewomen is happening and I believe I may want to participate in some way. I think I'll exploit this as an opportunity to (try and) generate more Cinders fanfic, and perhaps I'll include some more obscure fandoms? Or Veronica Mars, that's always good. More Lilly Kane is always good. And Runaways qualifies, of course.
My weekend listlessness seems to have arrived early.
rarewomen is happening and I believe I may want to participate in some way. I think I'll exploit this as an opportunity to (try and) generate more Cinders fanfic, and perhaps I'll include some more obscure fandoms? Or Veronica Mars, that's always good. More Lilly Kane is always good. And Runaways qualifies, of course.
Comfort :)
Monday, 12 August 2013 13:33In this time of great stress and confusion, I draw a lot of comfort from reading kink_bingo rules posts.
The dermatologist said he can't confirm psoriasis, though I am unsure of what practical implications this has. On a less cheerful note, I almost certainly have a cavity. Next on the agenda is a big dental x-ray... along with a zillion other chores I can't seem to keep track of.
Mostly I just want to blog forever, as though that would somehow magically force my thoughts into order. As though the chaos isn't a quality that is inherent to my life in particular and more generally to the human condition. At least I hope it is, otherwise I have been cheating no one but myself.
Self-teaching has become more difficult since my concentration is all over the place. I used to be so much better than this. Hard to motivate myself when all I really what is... to slink back into bed? To put everything out of my mind? Not to think?
Tonight I see the psychiatrist. A late appointment. I am crossing all the appendages.
The dermatologist said he can't confirm psoriasis, though I am unsure of what practical implications this has. On a less cheerful note, I almost certainly have a cavity. Next on the agenda is a big dental x-ray... along with a zillion other chores I can't seem to keep track of.
Mostly I just want to blog forever, as though that would somehow magically force my thoughts into order. As though the chaos isn't a quality that is inherent to my life in particular and more generally to the human condition. At least I hope it is, otherwise I have been cheating no one but myself.
Self-teaching has become more difficult since my concentration is all over the place. I used to be so much better than this. Hard to motivate myself when all I really what is... to slink back into bed? To put everything out of my mind? Not to think?
Tonight I see the psychiatrist. A late appointment. I am crossing all the appendages.
Nature and Nurture in the Social Brain
Monday, 8 July 2013 10:23Low available synaptic serotonin in the prefrontal cortex can lead to increased aggression, inappropriate hostility, and screaming your head off at people who push you on the line for the lightrail.
Chronic stress can cause fluctuations in the immune system, an increase in pro-inflammatory factors in the blood, and a gross psoriatic patch on your ankle.
Altruistic punishment motivates people to sacrifice their own gains in order to maximize an opponent's loss, due to the opponent being perceived as anti-social.
Up to 40% of the variation in temperament and personality between identical twins who shared a placenta can be accounted for by unshared (chiefly peer) environment.
I've slept poorly three nights in a row, I'm stressed and nervous, and I studied less hours than I had intended due to life interference and emotional volatility. I am still pretty sure I'm going to ace the fuck out of this test. Which is good, because I have to leave in about twenty minutes and there's no summary document for me to do a quick review from.
Crossing fingers that I don't mix up vasopressin and oxytocin (or worse yet, 5-HTTLPR and DRD4).
Chronic stress can cause fluctuations in the immune system, an increase in pro-inflammatory factors in the blood, and a gross psoriatic patch on your ankle.
Altruistic punishment motivates people to sacrifice their own gains in order to maximize an opponent's loss, due to the opponent being perceived as anti-social.
Up to 40% of the variation in temperament and personality between identical twins who shared a placenta can be accounted for by unshared (chiefly peer) environment.
I've slept poorly three nights in a row, I'm stressed and nervous, and I studied less hours than I had intended due to life interference and emotional volatility. I am still pretty sure I'm going to ace the fuck out of this test. Which is good, because I have to leave in about twenty minutes and there's no summary document for me to do a quick review from.
Crossing fingers that I don't mix up vasopressin and oxytocin (or worse yet, 5-HTTLPR and DRD4).
Closing In
Saturday, 22 June 2013 12:44I was doing well this morning and then at around noon shit started going to pieces. I made myself a decaf and I'm going to try and buckle down.
It's not helping that I'm flaring up for the first time in god knows how long. I actually had to pull out a topical cream for my elbow and I have a gross patch on my ankle, bluh.
Closing in on the end. Really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
It's not helping that I'm flaring up for the first time in god knows how long. I actually had to pull out a topical cream for my elbow and I have a gross patch on my ankle, bluh.
Closing in on the end. Really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Pain and Progression
Monday, 25 February 2013 16:05If I have pain in my right ankle and my right wrist, is that my arthritis progressing, or just a coincidence? And if it's the former, what would be best to do? Should I phone my rheumatologist? He's always so busy, it's a huge pain to get an appointment. Maybe I'm overreacting.
Maybe I'll take a walk and then read some fanfic.
Happy Shushan Purim, everyone. Especially everyone who lives in a two thousand plus year old walled city.
Maybe I'll take a walk and then read some fanfic.
Happy Shushan Purim, everyone. Especially everyone who lives in a two thousand plus year old walled city.
I had an unusually trying evening of pilates last night. I thought a long hot shower and an early night would do the trick, but this morning my back still hurt. So then I took another hot, hot shower and went grocery shopping. I was okay for much of the afternoon and then at about three or four I realized my back hurt again. I popped a pad in the microwave and took a long nap with it on my back. I woke up and my back. It fucking hurts. I'm at my wits' end. I'm thinking of crawling straight back to bed because I just can't focus on anything like this. And here I thought I'd get some schoolwork out of the way on my day off.
When I was in the army, I got tested for the national bone marrow registry. I got a call from them yesterday and found out I was still in it, and that I was a partial match for someone who needs a donation. I was supposed to go in this morning and get a tissue test at the medical school. You can't understand how or why I was so excited by this, I know it seems strange. But, this was somehow the best news I'd gotten in five years.
Of course it immediately occurred to me to go online and check to make sure that there's nothing preventing me from donating. How awkward would it be to make someone sick with your marrow? Of course I was on my way to class so of course I forgot, and of course I only checked this morning. I checked their website and then called the tissue lab to make sure, but psoriatic arthritis is definitely on the list. On the bright side, I learned the Hebrew name of psoriasis.
Anyway, I have plenty of chores to do this morning, so whatever.
Of course it immediately occurred to me to go online and check to make sure that there's nothing preventing me from donating. How awkward would it be to make someone sick with your marrow? Of course I was on my way to class so of course I forgot, and of course I only checked this morning. I checked their website and then called the tissue lab to make sure, but psoriatic arthritis is definitely on the list. On the bright side, I learned the Hebrew name of psoriasis.
Anyway, I have plenty of chores to do this morning, so whatever.
Today Started Well
Monday, 7 May 2012 12:54The morning was good. I woke early, got out of the house on time, the blood test was relatively painless and quick, then I found a coffee shop and indulged myself in a lovely breakfast while reading the morning papers on my laptop. And all was swell in the world. Class was also nice, the subject is interesting and fun to summarize in my notes, even though it's potentially very loaded. Especially now that we're covering social and societal aspects of emotion.
Now, though, my back hurts because of a minor addition of weight to my backpack (my margin of error is so ridiculous), which just got heavier on account of forty pages of cognitive neuroscience -- incidentally, too thick a packet for my little stapler* that I carry around in my pencil case, for just such purposes. Forty plus loose pages of cognitive neuroscience rolling around in my backpack.
Now I have chores to accomplish and although they're not supposed to be especially many or difficult, I still have to figure out a way to occupy myself between now and 5:30 PM, when I see my allergologist. Good news: I'm totally going for the immunotherapy shots, even if it does take three years. I really don't feel like making a round trip home and back again, because that would mean spending a totally unnecessary hour on the lightrail, and that time would be completely wasted. Though it would allow me to lighten my load considerably. Hmm. I may not have much option.
Next I have a bunch of uncomfortable phone calls to make, and I have to take care of some utilities related paperwork that I've been putting off for at least two months. Then the doctor's appointment, and in the evening I have to convince myself to study or something. My VPN connection still doesn't work. Maybe I should just cave and acclimate to doing MATLAB in the computer lab, after class on Tuesday.
* "You're gonna need a bigger stapler," obviously.
Now, though, my back hurts because of a minor addition of weight to my backpack (my margin of error is so ridiculous), which just got heavier on account of forty pages of cognitive neuroscience -- incidentally, too thick a packet for my little stapler* that I carry around in my pencil case, for just such purposes. Forty plus loose pages of cognitive neuroscience rolling around in my backpack.
Now I have chores to accomplish and although they're not supposed to be especially many or difficult, I still have to figure out a way to occupy myself between now and 5:30 PM, when I see my allergologist. Good news: I'm totally going for the immunotherapy shots, even if it does take three years. I really don't feel like making a round trip home and back again, because that would mean spending a totally unnecessary hour on the lightrail, and that time would be completely wasted. Though it would allow me to lighten my load considerably. Hmm. I may not have much option.
Next I have a bunch of uncomfortable phone calls to make, and I have to take care of some utilities related paperwork that I've been putting off for at least two months. Then the doctor's appointment, and in the evening I have to convince myself to study or something. My VPN connection still doesn't work. Maybe I should just cave and acclimate to doing MATLAB in the computer lab, after class on Tuesday.
* "You're gonna need a bigger stapler," obviously.
Oh look, I dropped the ball on something important even though I knew I had to keep an eye on it must be a day that ends in a Y what is my life.
Long story short I have to do a blood test under fast tomorrow morning and even so I don't know if the results will be ready on time for my doctor. Although this happened once before (at least...) and I don't remember him scolding me, so maybe it's just my anxiety speaking and everything will be fine. Maybe I will even make it on time to class at 10:30, without having to grab breakfast and eat it on the bus. Maybe.
Today I have to crack down on an assignment in MATLAB since last week I dropped the ball on getting my VPN connection fixed, and I can't access the license without it.
Long story short I have to do a blood test under fast tomorrow morning and even so I don't know if the results will be ready on time for my doctor. Although this happened once before (at least...) and I don't remember him scolding me, so maybe it's just my anxiety speaking and everything will be fine. Maybe I will even make it on time to class at 10:30, without having to grab breakfast and eat it on the bus. Maybe.
Today I have to crack down on an assignment in MATLAB since last week I dropped the ball on getting my VPN connection fixed, and I can't access the license without it.
