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Jan. 1st, 2020 08:00 am
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
Drop me a line about anything here.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
So the doctor said, "I think it's probably migraines, so here, go see a neurologist." He mentioned that a neuro might possibly want to do x-rays or a CT. But I am kind of glad just to know that it sounds like migraines to someone other than myself.

On the other hand, I completely forgot to mention the cold/virus/something I had for half of last week.

I should write. I know that writing will make me feel better. I know I will feel accomplished. It will help my emotional balance and it will be fun. Good, productive-like fun. I just... need to kickstart it somehow.
lea_hazel: Don't make me look up from my book (Basic: Reading)
One of the baffling and endlessly fascinating phenomena in pop culture is how devoted fans can become, not to a show or book, but to the ideology presented within. Even if said ideology is vague or formulaic, to the point where the preoccupation is pretty clearly with the thing in itself (as opposed to its philosophical implications). People list their religion as "Jedi" all the time, and not just as an in-joke. Despite that the Jedi order stands for such ultra-specific ideas (TV Tropes link) as "justice is good and tyranny is bad".

At this point in my fannish life, it's become pretty clear to me that, whatever capacity I might have had as a kid, I can't take this attitude seriously at all. Maybe my approach is just too aggressively Doylist (Fanlore link). I automatically default to thinking, "Why do the creators want so badly for me to believe in this thing?" I can't quite take it at face value. Morally-grey works become hard to stomach... because they're almost never as "grey" as their creators think. Authors are constantly subtly (or unsubtly) nudging their readers towards a certain belief, or conviction, or POV.

It makes certain fandom discussions uncomfortably interesting. And it makes playing RPGs very interesting. Over something like three years in Dragon Age fandom, I have completely failed to become a Fereldan nationalist. And I've developed an outright hostility towards Andraste (the Jean d'Arc/lady Jesus prophet of the game's fictional church). Why? Because I can.

But that's a different issue altogether, I suppose. Whatever game-makers (and show-makers, and writers) expect of their audience usually has very specific cultural undertones. Sadly, these are undertones of which they are overwhelmingly unaware. Mostly they seem to think that the philosophical and cultural underpinnings of their work are universally applicable to the human experience. People who were raised in a Christian secular society seem to have a really hard time with the idea that Jews don't believe in Jesus.

But I don't believe in Jesus. Even if I believed in God, and practiced the religion of my parents and grandparents, I still wouldn't believe in Jesus. And because Jesus and Christianity are beyond pervasive in mass media popular culture... given a chance to do so, I'm going to choose not to believe in space Jesus.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
The less said about the elections, the better. Suffice to say, Wednesday morning was rough, not just because of the inexplicable URT infection I've been nursing. I've decided the only cure is video game political assassinations. Plural, if possible.

Meanwhile, I'm keeping up with being sick. Drinking lots of orange juice and tea with honey. Sleeping a lot. Got a doctor's appointment, which will be extremely helpful because doctors can do a lot to treat (probably) viral infections. Making a conscious decision not to think about work until I have to. Also putting off thinking about contracts and deadlines and ugh.

I'm debating between making a post about Skyrim and making a post about family legends.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Basic: Science)
I swept the floor in both rooms (without going into weird fits about reaching lots of tiny corners. much). I cleaned the kitchen sink and the bathroom. I cleared lots of paperwork that needed clearing and paid utilities. I really want to mp the floor (rather, I really want the floor to be in a state of having been mopped) but I am tired.

Later I can also change the linen and probably cycle a color laundry. Oh, and I washed the dishes too but that's obvious because I needed to do t to clean the sink.

And I wrote.

Part of the reason for the hygiene frenzy is that lots of dust had gathered under my bed. Another part of the reason is cut for invertebrates )

I've only been wearing that skirt since I was about twenty three. I more than got its worth out of it. I just. I will never again have a skirt quite that perfect. Quietly mourning my pleated skirt.

Eh.

Mar. 10th, 2015 07:30 pm
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
Still kind of crashed from yesterday, TBH.

Read more... )

Purim!

Mar. 7th, 2015 10:50 pm
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
So this pretty much wraps up Purim. I nominally dressed up as Red Riding Hood but it's not terribly convincing because it's the sort of outfit I'd wear on an average summer day to work. I had some 70% fig liquor and should probably have had about half as much as I did. I did get plenty of snacks (pretzels, potato chips and popcorn) so I'm not really worried about headaches and the like. I am taking a water bottle and a granola bar to bed with me, though.

[community profile] purimgifts was awesome as ever and, par for the course, gifted me with a deluge of positive feedback far above what I can usually expect. Which is delightful.

I received three Root/Shaw fics for Person of Interest and they were charming and perfectly in-character, not to mention just the thing for a week with no episode: Chai and conversation (featuring Shaw and Persian cuisine), Polish (featuring Root and Halloween), and Day in the Life (which is kind of a meta summation of the Root/Shaw ship, in my eyes).

I wrote four fics. My gifts were a series of Agent Carter/Miss Fisher crossover bits, filed under How We Won the War. Then I wrote a rapid, last-minute treat: The Katabasis of Queen Esther, in which Esther and Vashti reenact Inanna's descent into the underworld. Also Tarot. I piled on some extra crack on top of that, too, because apparently that's how my brain plots on Saturday mornings.

Now i am strongly tempted to utilize my intoxication to write fic, but instead I will be an adult and go to bed early(ish). Because work tomorrow.

Purim!!

Mar. 6th, 2015 04:29 pm
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Celebrating the holiday by marathoning the fourth season of Once Upon a Time. And [community profile] purimgifts of course. I got a wonderful Root/Shaw gift which delights me to no end. I'm actually pretty pleased with the gifts I wrote, too, even though I wrote them under enormous stress and a massive time crunch. Work being super intense didn't help.

When I get home, I'll probably sink into writing angstless, stress-free smutlets.
lea_hazel: Don't make me look up from my book (Basic: Reading)
Looking back at all the years of my blog which were dominated almost completely by uni stuff and I can't help but thinking that I just sort of flushed all those years away. For nothing. For no good reason. A friend told me once that I would stop thinking (eventually) that my twenties were the decade I had to pay back for my teens. I really hope that's true.

Thinking

Feb. 24th, 2015 09:35 pm
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
I've been doing some thinking this evening and here are my conclusions:

1. I hate my job.

2. I need a beta reader for Collar of the Damned.

Day Log

Feb. 21st, 2015 07:20 pm
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Today I spent a lot of time reading in bed, replied to some comments on fic, posted/crossposted some fic, wiped down part of the kitchen counter, swept the living room floor, and wrote my words.

I also watched the first episode(s) of The Librarians, which a friend billed to me as "American Dr. Who, except with less of the stuff you hate (and I love)." That seems mostly accurate. Noah Wyle is aggressively channeling Matt Smith, which I'm okay with. Eccentric white dudes still take front and center, and they have that male-genius-female-caretaker act going on. But then again, they name it explicitly way at the start, which is interesting to me.

One of the fics I posted is one that I wrote over months and angsted over a lot. Also, it will probably be my last Dragon Age fic, at least for a while. Maybe a long while. The fandom cycle continues, but at least the disenchantment didn't culminate in a total disappearing act. In better fandom news, [community profile] purimgifts is going pretty well, if not as prompt and early as I'd've liked.

Some of that dust from sweeping got down my throat. Just means I need to sweep more diligently and not allow it to build up like that.

FAIL.

Feb. 9th, 2015 08:05 am
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Keep thinking, "I'm pretty sure I have a medical exam scheduled tomorrow, I better not be late, haha how funny would it be if it were today- OH FUCK" when you realize that it was scheduled for twenty minutes ago. Note to self: Monday and Tuesday are totally different days. Not the same. At all.

Cartridge

Feb. 1st, 2015 07:46 pm
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I was meant to print out this month's scripts last night, and then this morning. I came to print them now and the printer gives an alert that it's low on ink. Cyan ink. Come on, printer, you don't need specifically cyan ink to print a prescription. Fuck whoever decided that this thing will force me to buy ink I don't need instead of giving me the option to print in B&W.

And life stuff. )

In good news, I've been writing fic and it's fun and happy-making. Still in the total obsession (if not quite honeymoon) phase of Shiny New Fandom. Whenever I'm not playing or reading or writing... I'm thinking about playing or writing. My AO3 page is starting to gradually show the signs.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Dragging myself out of bed when the first alarm rings (fine, I snoozed for ten minutes) only because I know that I have an early eye exam and showing up at nine isn't an option. Bluh. My lack of motivation this winter is starting to really drain me.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
I am trying to calibrate my expectations. When one wakes up in the morning and feels more than the usual reluctance to get out of bed, or is much colder than the weather justifies, or one is sitting and eating breakfast and feels like sinking into the chair with heaviness... This is the kind of fatigue that I usually associate with mild infections. My GP is out today. Probably the wise thing would be to phone my boss and explain that I am ill. (I have worked there for two months plus and have taken one sick day previously).

I probably can drag myself up and into some clothes, stuff myself with cold pills and power through nine hours of work. I hardly ever get measurable fevers, so heaven knows I've done it before when I've had little choice. But then yesterday a number of people asked me whether I was ill again due to my constant sniffling ('not again, still') and so many I have an excuse?

Far from being able to make a sensible, fact-oriented decision, I feel like it's actually the 'missing work' guilt warring with the 'not taking care of your health' guilt. But then the system, when I look into it, is set up for 'powering through small illnesses' pretty explicitly. I do this so much I hardly notice the small stuff? I blow my nose or pop a pill and move on with my life, much the same as if it was an allergy attack. It's only when I get this dragging feeling or something similar that I wonder, 'how will I make it to the bus? from the bus? back home again?'
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I really don't want to get dressed and go out of doors. That seems to be a recurring theme in my life, right now.

I especially don't want it since I realized that I can't wear sneakers and I'd have to lace myself into a pair of boots to withstand the weather. I'd much rather lounge in my pajamas and sweatshirt, waffle on Tumblr, generally let time disappear from under me and stay in the warm, dry house. But checks need to be deposited (I actually was meant to have done this at least a week ago) and I have almost no fruit in the house, and no vegetables at all. So I will finish my morning routine, hopefully before ten, and get off my ass.

Later I will write. Tomorrow I'd like to look at some ongoing works that have been in progress too long and progress one of them a bit, but today I think is a day for disposable twenty minute fic bits. Sort of like the difference between an honest relationship and a flirtation.

There's a lot that I could talk about, but I won't. Not right now. I should write about Yuletide, at the very least. My fic was so wonderfully received, I want to gush about it properly (to someone other than myself).
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
I'm putting the link into my signup now! I will fill this out later!

edit 18/1: still totally filling this out! plz be a tiny bit more patient!

So, I am never sure what level of specificity my author is most comfortable with. This year I decided to go with a little bit of everything. Feel free to choose whichever level of detail helps you, the first one being of course the fandom match itself.

Squicks and triggers )

General likes )

Specific fandoms )

This got too long. But it was fun to write!
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I posted my Yuletide draft. I'm not really pleased with its progress, and I feel like I will probably want to keep staring at it and angsting and maybe putting in some tweaks until just about exactly the reveal deadline. But I am also at the point where I can start to feel anticipation for my upcoming gift. The receiving part is, oddly, the most major flaw in my conduct as an exchange participant. I'm a terrible recipient because I stress so much over my gift and tend to finish it last minute. I end up not enjoying the gift archives nearly as much as I ought to.

But never mind that, it is a holiday (albeit a fake one) and a weekend and I'm going to a party soon. I might even get all dressed up or something. It's cold out, but it's not meant to be raining, and it's not like I'm going by bus or anything.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
All of my writing energy seems to be going towards my daily pages, and when I get it there never seems to be anything that I feel the need to share with the rest of the world. Obviously, if I were writing full-time this would have to change. Then again, I'd also have some structured subjects to talk about.

Reading: I was reading The Summer Prince but I took a short break and lost my momentum. The quality of prose is good and it's stocked with all sorts of good, shiny little ideas, but they can't obscure the fact that the premise of the book is human sacrifice. It's a hard sell, and I'm not sold. Then I started reading The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and I was pretty enthralled for a while, but Helen's diary is a hard read and I took a break and didn't pick it up again yet I promise nothing. Now I'm reading Late Eclipses (one of the Toby Daye books) and pretty well tearing through it. I read a lot on the weekend, which was nice.

I am also reading ungodly amounts of Skyrim fanfic (how the hell did video game fandom even happen to me?). And I tried digging into the [community profile] femslashex archives from this year but haven't even made a dent.

Writing: Yuletide was going well, and then it stalled. I'm nervous. My piece is coherent, but it's under a thousand words and I fear it's inevitably to be seen as incomplete. How to go about completing it to standard is something I need to stew on. Most of my other fanfic is stalled, but I did make a breakthrough last week with something I've been stuck on for a while. Relationship-type dialogue, and a more complex sort than what I have dealt with mostly up to now. My Collar of the Damned stuff is also stalled. I try not to dwell too hard on how many open WIPs I have. It is depressing.

Of course, the reason for all of this is my current fixation with Skyrim fanfic, of which I have been producing a fairly respectable amount. Anatomy of a fandom infatuation. I actually think about that subject a lot, now.

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lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
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