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lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
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Onwards

Jul. 29th, 2014 06:17 pm
lea_hazel: Don't make me look up from my book (Basic: Reading)
Contrary to my crappy mood of the last few days, right now I feel pretty great. I was upbeat and energetic when leaving work (a little agitated maybe) and when I got in I took a shower. Which is a fool-proof mood improver. I think it may be time to pick up the slack on some things I'd let slide (out of pure nonsensical angst).

It might be over-ambitious to want to write today. Elevating expectations beyond what is generally reasonable has been a downfall for me in the past. I do have to take care of some smaller/simpler/more urgent things - making sure I have scripts that aren't expired, and other end-of-month chores, plus replying to emails/messages and maybe a few other things that have slipped my mind.

This morning I tried doing my morning pages in Hebrew. It took 40 minutes - double the usual. I do not find this to be an encouraging sign.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
My living space is awful now and I need to think of contingencies, which is extra difficult because it's hard for me to think in a messed up living space. Also I'm spitting mad at my landlord and also the world.

I spent hours today playing The Sims 2 and not even really enjoying it very much. Really finding it hard to attach my mind to a positive constant. It would be nice to have a smoke gene scroll on Flight Rising, is what I'm saying.

Eating is extra hard because the leak situation is centered in the kitchen corner and not exactly encouraging me to think positively of food (which I have).
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Get home from a dentist's appointment to find a large puddle of murky water on your kitchen floor where the pipe your landlord "fixed" is.

In an hour and twnty minutes I got a new game downloading, and when that happens, fuck reality.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Things aren't hectic at work (ha!) and I have some extra time on my hands. I've been pouring some of that extra time into 750words.com. I'd heard about the site and the idea of "daily pages" more than once, but I guess I just thought finding the time to do it would be too much of a hassle. Actually, setting the time aside has been pretty good. I've been considering trying on a stricter morning routine, since morning is when I tend to lose a lot of minutes that add up into major time chunks.

I write a bit the same way as the journal entries here, except even less filtered. (I don't filter much here, but I obfuscate a bit.) Things being what they are, it's a convenient outlet for extraneous stress. Loud sudden noises and whatnot. This morning I strayed a bit and actually did some on-paper outlining. Which naturally meant more progress than "brainstorming" mentally on the bus. Really I need to get over writing habits which I know don't work. I believe I am still one character short of a complete cast, but the plot is coalescing. Oooh, plot! *scary noises*

Between that and completing a few too-long-delayed chores, I feel pretty good. I'd still like to have a sofa so that I can stream shows on my desktop and watch them while flopped on something soft instead of sitting up. Sitting up is a sucker's game.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Today's siren caught me just as I was about to leave work.

I still have this vague feeling that maybe I'm not as anxious as I should be? But then I remember the random muscle cramps and the general lack of restfulness of my sleep.

New dr. sent me for blood tests which I have been putting off. Most of the same stuff I usually get tested for (perennial vitamin D and TSH) but without some of the inflammatory factors. So far I'm pretty pleased with new Dr. although it is a little soon to tell. I am also thinking about other health practitioners and whether I might want to seek them out.

My coping mechanism is refreshing the Flight Rising marketplace over and over, waiting for my smoke tert scroll to show up. And dwelling on things I did successfully. That one's a fun new addition.

Adulting

Jul. 12th, 2014 09:13 pm
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Folded the clean white laundry; put in a load of colors to wash; ate several really pretty sensible meals; got dressed and got out of the house; did a little mental health reading; unboxed my printer, still need to find a power cable that fits; wrote a little; did stretches.

Still need to turn off the computer to hook it up to the emergency power outage thingum. I think that's where the printer's power cord went. Also blood tests and some paperwork to do with the utility bills. And I need to go up to Jerusalem some time this week and figure some shit out, but IDK, that's less urgent?

Routine

Jul. 11th, 2014 12:25 am
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
I mean, I guess I'm anxious? How do I separate the anxiety about the booms from anxiety about my job, or the agoraphobia, or the roaches that I still freak out over all the time? But yeah, I guess I am anxious.

Tomorrow I get to play The Friday Morning Game, a terrible game which I always seem to lose at.

I'm choosing to view all my unfinished stories as a wealth of creativity to entertain myself with during idle moments, as opposed to a pile of uncompleted tasks. Because fanfic is a leisure activity.

Yup.

Jul. 8th, 2014 07:30 pm
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
So the alarm sounded while I was walking home from the bus station and I didn't hear it because I was listening to Yehudit Ravitz. When I walked in all my neighbors were in the stairwell giving me weird looks.

Little Woes

Jul. 7th, 2014 05:53 pm
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Earlier today I had an idea but I didn't write it down and now it's gone. Also I've been angsting about fandom and politics.

Then I came home and very gratefully received the aid of a well-meaning person in getting my washing machine operational. Well-meaning individual left after determining that the machine worked, and some ten minutes later the dirty water from the short cycle started draining onto my floor. Did I mention that I don't have a new desk yet? The computer chassis was on the floor. Commence emergency mopping.

Now I'm watching the machine with hawk-eyes and once I've ruled it fit for active duty I'm going to commence emergency mopping on myself.
lea_hazel: I am surrounded by tiny red hearts (Feel: Love)
As a responsible resident it is my duty to patronize coffee shops on the weekend, and so this morning I treated myself to a nice brunch. Then I cleaned the apartment thoroughly and consequently came to three conclusions:

  1. That I need to clean more often.

  2. That I really need to sweep thoroughly before I try mopping the floor.

  3. That I really need a haircut.


Also that this area is much more humid than my hometown, which means the mopped floor fails to dry in an appropriate amount of time. Which is zero. Zero time.

If I close the window and put on the air conditioning I'll be much cooler and also will be able to wander the apartment in my towel indefinitely. On the other hand, my AC has a tendency to shower the kitchen counter with little black grains of dust, and I literally just cleaned that counter.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
This is an hour on which to wake up from a nap? And be suddenly hungry? My brain. *shakes head*

I have spent so much time in Jerusalem in the past month, I haven't quite gotten used to the local rhythm of action. In particular the weekend rhythms, which of course are a massive indicator of neighborhood culture in Israel. Friday afternoon cafe loitering and the like.

My mind buzzes with so many thoughts I don't share. I really ought to do more proper blogging.

And eat. I should eat.

Relief

Jul. 1st, 2014 05:38 pm
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Apartment business I just about over and done with. At the end of the day, everything that needed to get done was done, with much help from certain quarters (and significantly less from others). I have a few loose ends to wrap, but I feel I can take a much deserved break into more low-key shore activity.

Which means now is as good a time as any to establish a good grocery shopping routine, and corresponding menu. Maybe I'll get myself on a decent meal schedule, finally.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Whenever I get back from Jerusalem I am somehow just too mentally exhausted to do anything. Even if I'd spent all my chore time daydreaming about writing, and thinking up plot twists as I was trying to fall asleep, once I get in front of my own keyboard my mind just... blanks.

Anxiety

Jun. 24th, 2014 10:36 pm
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
See, I know that I'm letting anxiety about chores lead to procrastination, and I know that it'll only make things worse. So why can't I just... not?

Restraint

Jun. 22nd, 2014 08:35 pm
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
I must not buy new games.
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
I made myself take a walk outside and it was nice. Then I ate out at a cafe I hadn't tried yet, and that was also nice. I reread a little bit from a few of my favorite things. I even put down a few words. Now I think I'll play a text adventure for a while.

All in all, I feel good. Still I'm looking forward to a hypothetical day when I'll know that I'm okay without enumerating the reasons.

Perception

Jun. 18th, 2014 07:48 pm
lea_hazel: I am surrounded by tiny red hearts (Feel: Love)
Today I got home fairly early and in good cheer, after picking up my clean laundry on the way. At some point I glanced at the clock on my computer and became immediately suspicious. "It can't be that early, can it?"

The point is, I got some important shit down and I am feeling pretty good about myself. There's probably good productive things I could do now, but I think instead I'll dedicate my evening to a form of entertainment that's less passive than refreshing my Tumblr dash and waiting for something to happen. Not suite up to writing right now, although, perhaps, who knows, maybe later.

I need a better place to listen to music than YouTube.

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lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
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