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lea_hazelWhen I had my (beautiful, amazing, perfect) bookshelves installed I vowed that I would cleanse my entire apartment of impurities. The means excavating all the archaeological sites where, for years beyond counting, masses of folders, envelopes and indistinct paper goods have accrued like the mucus of my soul. Barnacles of receipts and prescriptions that were never filled. Dismantling the power structures of chaos.
That's what I'm working on this semester break, and it's depressing as fuck. I mean, I'm finally starting to make a dent, yes. And there's a ton of stuff that I finally have the perspective to toss, like first year lab reports and exam papers that I really have no reason to cling to. Why wait until year after my BSc is complete to realize that the minutiae of my student life are recyclable paper goo? Why put off disposing of my physics textbooks till past the point when they can be of use to anyone?
A lot of the stuff lying around here is dusty. There are phone numbers which might have once been important. There's a fortunately outdated copy of my resume. There are references that I don't know if I can still count on. There are old postcards that I put up in my cubicle back when I was working full time. Some professional material that's probably hilarious out of date.
It's awakening some anxieties about the job search process that I really can't afford to deal with before, oh, June at the earliest? Like, there's no conceivable reason for me to rewrite my resume or start sending it out before then, even assuming I want to job search concurrently with writing a big term paper and taking five classes. The smart thing to do, perhaps, but not necessarily something that I'm up to.
And anxieties, like an amazing linked chain of the ugliest beads in the universe, bring up still more anxieties. My work load will be too high this semester. I won't start my term paper until way too late. My proposal will be rejected. I'll procrastinate and end up dragging my degree into the ethers of time. I'll flip my shit and end up graduating only in biology, effectively tossing seven very difficult semesters of psychology into the intellectual trash.
So many things to get hung up on when I should be working.
Reading my old medical papers is sort of fascinating. I need to figure out how to organize these in an accessible way.
That's what I'm working on this semester break, and it's depressing as fuck. I mean, I'm finally starting to make a dent, yes. And there's a ton of stuff that I finally have the perspective to toss, like first year lab reports and exam papers that I really have no reason to cling to. Why wait until year after my BSc is complete to realize that the minutiae of my student life are recyclable paper goo? Why put off disposing of my physics textbooks till past the point when they can be of use to anyone?
A lot of the stuff lying around here is dusty. There are phone numbers which might have once been important. There's a fortunately outdated copy of my resume. There are references that I don't know if I can still count on. There are old postcards that I put up in my cubicle back when I was working full time. Some professional material that's probably hilarious out of date.
It's awakening some anxieties about the job search process that I really can't afford to deal with before, oh, June at the earliest? Like, there's no conceivable reason for me to rewrite my resume or start sending it out before then, even assuming I want to job search concurrently with writing a big term paper and taking five classes. The smart thing to do, perhaps, but not necessarily something that I'm up to.
And anxieties, like an amazing linked chain of the ugliest beads in the universe, bring up still more anxieties. My work load will be too high this semester. I won't start my term paper until way too late. My proposal will be rejected. I'll procrastinate and end up dragging my degree into the ethers of time. I'll flip my shit and end up graduating only in biology, effectively tossing seven very difficult semesters of psychology into the intellectual trash.
So many things to get hung up on when I should be working.
Reading my old medical papers is sort of fascinating. I need to figure out how to organize these in an accessible way.
