Just Calm Down Already

Actually, telling me to calm down isn't helpful at all. When you tell me to calm down and that everything will be fine, you're assuming that I'm freaking out over nothing. Maybe I'm nervous, or upset, or angry for a reason? Because something is wrong? Maybe not everything will be all right if I just get a grip, because if I want things to be right, I have to make them right? To end a problem I have to solve it? And maybe, just maybe, I'll be perfectly calm once I've solved the bloody problem and not beforehand?

Much as you might see it otherwise, I don't usually freak out over nothing. I freak out because something is wrong. The chain of events goes like this: 1) Something goes wrong. 2) I become pissed, upset or anxious. 3) I solve the problem, with or without help. 4) Problem solved! I feel so much better! When you derail this scenario it goes like this: 3a) I ask for your help. 3b) Instead of helping, you tell me that everything will be fine if I just calm down. 3c) I freak the fuck out. 4) Problem doesn't get solved.

It's belittling to assume that there's no good reason to be upset. It's foolish to do so when I have just explained to you what is wrong and how you can help me fix it. To say that calming down will solve the problem is downright embarrassing.