lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
About six years ago, I spent six or seven months writing an "epic" multi-chapter fanfic anonymously on an LJ prompt meme. I was sunk so deep into it. I was obsessed with it. I was madly in love with it.

I never finished it.

I was writing other stories in the same fandom at the time, the fandom that ate my life (another recurring story for me). I got caught up in other things so that thinking about updating the story had me unbelievably anxious. I spent a long time after (what turned out to be) my final update scheming and guilting myself about how I would eventually finish it. Some time after I ghosted on the fandom altogether, I spent a fair amount of time telling myself that I would clean up what existed of it and post it to my AO3 with a final note saying I was out of the fandom and it would never be complete.

Today yesterday I was going through some outlining guides for writers and trying to take notes about how my different stories fit into the mold or don't. Part of my ongoing attempt to create some sort of writing style for myself that I can apply reliably to writing long-form. I was going to note this fic for its planned resolution (which I never reached, but still had an outline for), and I realized I had completely forgotten its name. For a while I had kept the document I was writing it in on-hand, and in my Dropbox, but my desktop of the time died and the doc is now buried somewhere in my backup drive.

I did finally locate it and add that note. And that fic is still to this day one of my most successful attempts at longfic. Which is rather tragic I suppose. Since then I've ghosted on at least two more major fandoms. And I have made peace with my tendency to leave stories unfinished, although I still try hard not to let it happen.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
And not just because it's supposed to be the book I want to see in the world. And not just because I can't help but think that it's my responsibility to make that book happen, for other people.

The set-up goes something like this: Read more... )
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
This is a terrifying thing to admit, thirty thousand words into a story.

I had started with a couple of rough character sketches and some tentative worldbuilding, and decided I would figure out the plot as I went along. Meanwhile I was nurturing the secondary protagonist's identity crisis, which was supposed to be the secondary, supporting, plot thread. Guess what happened next.

Now I am more than halfway through a story that is not adventure, not intrigue, not mystery, and not even a proper romance. The closest thing to redeeming value in the plot as it stands, is that it could possibly be literary fiction -- if the characters weren't anthro bats.

Like, I'm not even talking "how do I market this". More like, "what the fuck did I just write".

So I stick to the short term, and realize that the next thing that needs to happen is a character mailing a letter to their mother.

Saturday Mornings

Saturday, 23 May 2015 11:40
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
I made a very firm rule yesterday that I am not allowed to spend all of today -- all of the holiday weekend -- waffling on Tumblr and playing games and watching TV and generally wasting time. By the end of the month I'm (probably) going to be unemployed, and I have writing commitments that I'd just as soon rather not put off to the last possible moment (like I normally do). And I want to write, I swear I do!

...It's just so hard to get started doing anything. Especially when I don't even want to put on pants.

A Game

Wednesday, 1 April 2015 22:12
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
Let's play a game called, "How far back in my AO3 can I go before I hit a story that utterly appalls me?"
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I took up some sort of weird work commitment that accounts for a few hours a month. Nothing resembling a paycheck but I am relieved at the very least at having productive occupation. The kind that I know I can stick to/see through, since I'm getting pretty tired of being mad at myself for spending too much time online (or playing games) and not enough time studying/working/writing. I hope this works out and helps keep me sharp for when I get a full-time job, and maybe even spruces up my resume. Meanwhile I have an interview/exam for a real position on Sunday morning. The holidays are fucking with my sense of time.

I have discovered myself to be too tired, or anxious, or bored to do much Icon this year. It's just... abominably crowded, and full of kids, and smells powerfully of stale sweat. /o\

My current fic assignment is behind schedule and I'm nervous as hell. There's a creeping feeling growing in the back of my mind that I might miss the deadline, which is something I have never done. Nearly happened with this year's [community profile] purimgifts, but at the end I got the last one in. Defaulting, and at such a late point, is really an awful feeling. I just-- ugh, I just have to man the hell up and write it, even if it doesn't come out as good as I hoped.

I know there's a Tumblr Savior-like app that works on AO3. How about Delicious? Is there anything that will allow me to somehow reverse filter links to prompts/fills? IDK. "Not" filtering is kind of complicated.

(no subject)

Saturday, 28 June 2014 20:34
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Whenever I get back from Jerusalem I am somehow just too mentally exhausted to do anything. Even if I'd spent all my chore time daydreaming about writing, and thinking up plot twists as I was trying to fall asleep, once I get in front of my own keyboard my mind just... blanks.
lea_hazel: Pride flag (Politics: GLBTQ)
If you're into remaining unspoiled for big bangs, don't read behind the cut. Or I could screen this for my access list, that's also an option.

Dragon Age Big Bang )

Word Meters are so not overdone. )
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Gratuitous [community profile] trope_bingo talk behind the cut:

Read more... )

Dilemmas.

Meanwhile I should get off my ass and work on the half-finished stories I already have.

Via trope_bingo

Saturday, 6 July 2013 23:09
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
...For which I am emphatically not signing up.

Read more... )

Looks like I have my work cut out for me.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
The best thing about Orphan Black and the worst thing about Orphan Black are pretty much the same thing: it's a giant, steaming pile of crossovers waiting to happen. I cannot take on another writing project. I cannot.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Long Live the Queen fanfic about Lottie becoming queen of Nova.

Endless, shameless curtainfic for Madeleine/Nazagi/Cassidy from The Royal Trap.

Fanfic for Machiavellian!Cinders from Cinders.

Fanfic for Pearl's Perils what the hell how did this fandom even happen to me.

Oh lordie I already have so many unfinished stories why do I keep getting ideas.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I have two major tasks today that I cannot afford, practically or mentally, to put off. All I wants is to waff and faff and play Dragon Age.

My fourth DAO character is an entitled, self-involved dwarva princess. I'm using her to unlock all the most unscrupulous plot decision trophies. Well, almost all. My third dude (yes, I realized close to the end that he was a white straight dude, unbelievably) is hanging around Awakening being all commanding. I am way over-invested in all of these pixel people when I should be over-investing in my personal wight who's sitting in my head waiting for the metaphysical dust to settle around her world-building.

Some of my work today has to do with going over shelves and boxes of my ~childhood~ books (including adolescence). This is equal parts exciting and daunting, especially since it opesn up the option of finding out my favorites aged poorly.

Also did I mention I'm in therapy now? I think I never mentioned that I'm in therapy now.
lea_hazel: Pride flag (Politics: GLBTQ)
I want to do creative work. I need to do work-work. I also want to crawl into bed and not think of anything, or alternatively burn the day away by playing games or paging through Tumblr.

My brain is buzzing and I don't like it. I started this entry half an hour ago and forgot about it while I lounged about Fanlore.org in my pajamas. Something needs to be done.

What if...?

Friday, 8 February 2013 13:22
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
What if I wrote a story that was about the children of an immortal through the ages? Like, their dad is immortal and they are mortal but they can't have regular families of their own so they just sort of... find each other across time and space and band together. And then they form some sort of vaguely dysfunctional and ill-defined sibling-slash-parent relationship where the older kids mentor the younger ones and show them the ropes of being demigods. Or something.

Or what if I just stuck to the writing goals that I've already set for myself.

Oh No, An Idea

Saturday, 19 January 2013 00:49
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
A story where Snow White is a vampire... Bad idea, or the worst idea?

Oh yeah. Tonight I watched Snow White and the Huntsman.

Sleep Eludes

Saturday, 7 July 2012 15:12
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Sleep less than four hours a night. Take an afternoon nap. Wake up, research insomnia, stumble on an idea that makes you want to turn your disordered sleep into an urban fantasy plot.

My last bout of insomnia this bad and this persistent was almost exactly a decade ago.

Fic Non-Woe

Sunday, 10 June 2012 16:58
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
So that fanfic I was aghast over a while back? I worked on it a bit today. I'm feeling surprisingly good about it for a change. I think it might be sort of okay.

I also can't help myself from looking up odd Latin mottos and then being tempted to structure fics around using them as the title. This is a bad idea, I feel certain.
lea_hazel: Don't make me look up from my book (Basic: Reading)
This post about the woobification of villains, it's not new but I hadn't had time to read it till today, and it helped me crystallize a bunch of thoughts about lots of male characters, and also a story in my head that I will never write. It also gave me the bizarre idea of Jael and Sisera in a vampire A/U.

I'm reading The Golden Compass, in follow-up to a lecture about souls and another lecture about gods and parents, both from the convention on Passover. Also in follow-up to a world-building idea I shared with my brother that I am tentatively referring to as "the reverse crossroads". Lyra is kind of a scrappy lovable urchin type, and it gives me all sorts of thoughts about men writing girls (but not women), girls who only play with boys, and post-industrial revolution ideas about femininity and class. Not surprisingly a lot of this is stuff I've been percolating for some time.

My lab report is making me sad but I figure I did okay for today and it's fair to take the evening off.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
My mind reads new DC comics and insists upon going places that I don't want it going to. Like retooling an old superhero original fiction comics that's never going to happen OMG. But for real, most of the new DC comics are pretty disappointing. Luckily Animal Man is still awesome, otherwise I'd resign myself to sticking to weird daydreams about DC characters, and dropping the canon altogether.

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