Eh.

Tuesday, 10 March 2015 19:30
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
Still kind of crashed from yesterday, TBH.

Read more... )
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
So it's Friday. And Fridays are weird days. Weirder still when unemployed, because I don't have a work week to set the tone. For example, today I woke late, only did a minimal shopping, did no house chores and barely left the house. Whereas when working I would do a big grocery shopping on Friday morning-ish, or else at least try to clean, or run a laundry. And in the afternoon I would take advantage of the weekend atmosphere to take a walk down one of the more interesting streets. Maybe do some shopping chores, maybe not. Maybe sit in a cafe.

The lack of employment makes it hard to delineate the weekend.

I have a draft saved of a meta post I'm working on regarding using the setting of a story as an independent character. I need to do more research, though, and I may delve into TV Tropes to help me recall some good examples. I am a great fan of treating places and objects like personality-holding characters with motivation and volition. I feel it adds something to stories that nothing else does. I find myself returning to this trope a lot.

Kippur

Sunday, 5 October 2014 12:57
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
Yet another Yom Kippur has passed, and I have failed to contemplate my existence any more deeply than usual. Meh.

I guess blog entries are a way of building up towards the aspiration to more difficult writing later on. I did write four days in a row and so I feel pretty good about my chances today. Which is hopeful, because I have a [community profile] femslashex assignment to complete. One which I have only barely started despite having a good idea and a decent outline.

Daily words on 750words.com are progressing pretty handily. I write about all sorts of nonsense. I swear a lot. I plan stories and daily activities. The textual analysis is pretty entertaining.

If the guy from that one job doesn't call me before the day is out I will feel extremely put upon. I can't sustain this unemployment state much longer. Especially not with Skyrim installed on my computer *le sign*.

At least Skyrim is providing a valuable distraction from certain other fandoms.

Adulting Is Hard

Thursday, 2 October 2014 12:21
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
My grocery shopping today was both more expensive and heavier than usual. Heavier is because of the various beverages. Expensive might be for the same reason. I'll have to go over the receipt. On the other hand, I just deposited a rent check and set up a transfer from my savings, so I know I can cover it. The only question that remains is whether I'll have a salary to pull at the end of October.

I have a job prospect lined up. The person in charge already told me twice that he wants me for the position. There seem to be an inordinate number of logistical difficulties. I want to be hopeful but I also want to be wary, but most of all I wish for certainty. It has come to light that the uncertainty of the human element is probably the source of most (if not all) of my anxiety.

Also, I love that it gets dark earlier and chilly late at night, but still warm and close-aired and sweaty in midday. And by love I might urgh.

In other news, Skyrim. In compliance with the mandate to be several years behind everyone when it comes to things like this, I started playing it about two weeks ago, when it came on sale for 4.99$. "Price of a cup of coffee" has become my metric for a leisure expense so small that there's no need to sweat it. And so far I've been enjoying it! Smart purchase yay.

I have the draft of a book post saved. Really should have posted it yesterday for Reading Wednesday or whatever.

Days

Monday, 22 September 2014 23:47
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Days keep disappearing from under me. I have to try and look back and count what I did with my hours, where they all went.

I'm cooking a family dinner this week, and next week I have a job interview. Part of me would rather sit here and drink iced coffee and play Sunless Sea or Skyrim all day.

Excitement

Thursday, 11 September 2014 15:57
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
I sent out a metric assload of resumes this morning and received two callbacks, the second of which just now. I had already set up an interview next week and I was now talking to someone else about the possibility of an interview, trying to be serious and professional and answer all the technical questions. All the while I'm squirming and pacing and groot!dancing with excitement.

I don't want to get my hopes up high.

But I kinda do.
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
I have already broken every rule I ever set myself for being unemployed. Stayed up late playing Sunless Sea (killed another captain, too), put off sending out my CV, woke up at eleven this morning. I had planned to kick myself in the pants and take advantage of the morning to do grocery shopping and cleaning. At least yesterday I cooked and ate legitimate food, and also did a laundry. Although in fairness I had little choice, given the size of the laundry pile I brought back from Pittsburgh.

Salvage

Sunday, 23 February 2014 08:43
lea_hazel: Angry General Elodie (Feel: RAEG)
Today is shaping up to be a day I'm going to need to salvage. So, some salvage techniques:

Take a long walk while the weather is still pleasantly summery (ish, it's supposed to be a high of 18 today). Do grocery shopping and get a treat. Cook something easy and tempting that I haven't made in a while, like peanut butter rice. Draw OCs. Write random porn. Play a particularly brutal round of LLTQ. Ogle pictures of cute bis on OKC. Call a friend and try to arrange meeting for coffee tonight. Put on pink nail polish (on my gnawed fingernails). Look up skydiving websites. Skim my logic textbook. Watch a TED video or a iTunes university video. Play some music that I haven't listened to in a long while and just sit and listen to it without doing anything else. Make hot cocoa with lots of milk.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I'm waiting on a post-interview call for a very interesting job, and also spoke to some HR people about new offers. And I sent about six or seven resumes out today. Sadly, I'm 95% certain that Big Company Job won't call back.

Now I'm staring down all the projects I want to do in the winter-to-spring season and smacking my forehead.

  1. [community profile] trope_bingo double line (two drafts written, one draft started).

  2. [community profile] genprompt_bingo, hopefully a blackout (but I am 3/5 for a column or a row).

  3. [community profile] purimgifts which is low stress, but still.

  4. [livejournal.com profile] dragonagebb to the tune of 10K words (draft started, see also trope_bingo).

  5. Am I really going to sign up for [livejournal.com profile] rarewomen?


What I have to think about is priorities. Putting the stuff I already started at the top of the list is a poor choice. A smarter way to approach would be to set aside drafts that don't have a foreseeable deadline and/or aren't exchange gifts. Meaning, DABB rough draft and Purimgifts top the list, unless I discover that I signed up for something else and forgot about it.

Do I owe you fic? Tell me please, because I won't know otherwise.
lea_hazel: Angry General Elodie (Genre: Games)
The Big Name Company people haven't given so much of a peep, so I'm putting them out of my mind. Sending resumes and planning for an interview and getting ready for the OU semester to open very, very soon.

Valentine's Day was my parents' anniversary and that's about it.

Meanwhile plotting gift exchanges and playing lots of games. I considered posting an invitation to write for CotD on a writing comm but I'm not sure it's ready. Flight Rising occupies many of my idle minutes. I caught a live show on Thursday and I'm hoping to go out tonight or tomorrow.

Life stuff. I just wanted to post about the mundane

Listicle

Wednesday, 12 February 2014 16:53
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
  • I have not yet heard back from the Major Company I interviewed for last week. 
  • But I have another interview next week. 
  • Contrary to my usual procrastination, I have already started my [community profile] purimgifts assignment. I'm pretty pleased with the idea I came up with. 
  • There's some sort of literary event tonight that I'm thinking of going to, maybe even drag a friend along. I haven't seen my friends socially near enough lately. 
  • Maybe I'll have a party. 
  • Money issues more or less resolved. Still wish I could count on having a paycheck in March. 
  • I'm juggling WIP and challenge participation and it's going... all right? 

How Do I Start?

Thursday, 6 February 2014 18:01
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
I was pumped full of adrenaline or something like it through two job interviews this week, and it seems like as soon as I got home yesterday, all of that energy whooshed right out of me. The cold doesn't help, it makes me want to stay in bed longer in the morning, and that throws off my routine and disrupts my productivity.

Today (and yesterday afternoon/evening) was an acceptable loss. Tomorrow I want to reestablish some good habits. Showering and getting dressed first thing is helpful, although eating breakfast in the kitchen hasn't been as effective as I might've imagined. I think I'll adopt the snooze function of the cellphone on a more regular basis, too, instead of just when I have early morning interviews. This is exactly how hours bleed out of my schedule, which leads to demotivation.

I have several unedited and unposted works. I have an MIT video that I got interrupted midway through. I... lost track of writing this post halfway through.

What I need is a priority list. Don't try to do all the things and complete none of them. Don't do one thing, and then lament the things you didn't do for the rest of eternity. Just make an explicit, conscious choice that some things are not going to get done. Prioritize.

Idea Person

Tuesday, 4 February 2014 15:13
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Today is the day between two job interviews (for the same position) and I feel inexplicably unproductive. I did do things -- looked at train schedules and rent estimates, went grocery shopping, skimmed several job postings -- somehow that seems to slip away from my awareness. February is an odd month. Spring is creeping up to judge me (spring is undoubtedly the most judgmental of the four seasons) but the cold and the dark are still getting me down.

If I have a job by Valentine's Day I will declare 2014 an unmitigated success. Or rather, HTSHA`D, I suppose.

I told my sister I was planning to submit to a major newspaper's unpublished prose writers' contest. I ought, I have a mythological tale that's been burning a hole in my brain, and all it's short is a hook of some sort.

I wonder if my blue button-down shirt still fits properly. Many of my things are comically baggy, now. At least I'm off the zolpidem, thank heavens, although probably a work routine will do better for my living habits than anything else. And my computer is stable, which is a damned relief.

Why is my thought process all over the place.

(no subject)

Tuesday, 14 January 2014 21:10
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
I... don't really want to write a blog post. But I'm kind of dispirited and I need to order my mind.

TV: Sleepy Hollow continues to be great and surpass my expectations. Agents of SHIELD continues to be something I only watch socially. Lost Girl is... I keep waiting for the level of crack to supersede my enjoyment of Bo and Kenzi, but it's hasn't, yet.

Writing: Too many projects going on at the same time. Same old, same old.

Work: There's some sort of tech related open event this week and I'm going in hopes of weaseling into a QA job, which would hopefully be a first step in climbing back up to dev.

Life: Fuck property tax and its fucking inconvenience.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Steeping myself in creative pursuits is very satisfying and makes my days feel empty. I'm a little anxious about getting too comfortable being unemployed. I do have some avenues to pursue on that front, but the uncertainty is starting to unnerve me. Right now having all this free time is pretty nice, but in the long run I'm going to pay for it.

Probably what will happen is that I will start looking for QA work in Jerusalem (which I am technically overqualified for, but). I'm pretty optimistic about the work itself, because I think going down a step in the hierarchy may end up having various advantages. The trick is to leverage myself, and initiating action is always difficult for me.

On a brighter note, I got a [community profile] trope_bingo card, so now I'm working on two cards simultaneously. #lifestylechoices
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Basic: Science)
Now that my fic-related deadlines aren't weighing on my mind, and since no call was forthcoming from either of my interviewers, and since I visiting my old employers and my old boss wasn't around... I am back in the Rails game.

Now, I figure I know just enough Rails to create something small and semi-functional. No, not a micro-blogging clone, something that will actually hold my interest. At this point the trick is to create in increments and not immediately drown myself in an overly elaborate plan. My main experience is with demo apps and so I can't expect to start with anything more complicated than a series of interconnected tables.

Once the basics are covered I can think about getting creative.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
I spent this month stressing over job interviews and writing fanfic. There are four complete works on my AO3 account dated October. There are also unfinished works and old works that I uploaded and backdated, and some anonymous meme fills. I may be suffering from fanfic fatigue, but I'm pretty proud of my output.

Bingo card behind the cut: Read more... )

ETA: Whoops last second fill completion.

Tired

Wednesday, 23 October 2013 08:24
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Health: Sleep)
I feel this stupid tiredness where it's like there's a lead weight tied by string to my body and it's pulling me down, and my entire body just wants to flop as far down as possible and not try to get up. But I have a bunch of chores and one of them absolutely has to get done this morning, first thing. A very annoying one that was dropped on me out of nowhere courtesy of my amazingly thoughtful and organized family.

Meanwhile I dreamed that I got a call from that first interview and I was happy because I felt like finally I had options and was employable and then I woke up. ;_;

(no subject)

Tuesday, 22 October 2013 09:00
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
Okay, maybe this interview is stressing me out more than I've admitted to myself. Last night I woke up more times than I can quite count.

Complacence

Monday, 21 October 2013 16:11
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
...And we're back to normal again. Where by normal I mean, "I can't tell if I'm anxious and need to relax, or complacent and I need to be more alert/nervous/watchful.

Tomorrow I have another job interview, the second job I'm interviewing for since I started looking in August. I have a thorough list of things that need to be done before then, but definite items ("make a breakfast sandwich") are easier to handle than vague ones ("be ready for the test"). I'm breaking the cardinal rule that I learned in time management: only deal in concrete tasks. And I procrastinated.

Now, intellectually I'm pretty sure that my level of familiarity with the subjects I'm being tested on will be enough. I was tested last time, on many of the same subjects, and I did well. More revising will probably not improve my performance significantly.

But. But mis-assessing my preparedness for exams is one of the main reasons I am where I am, as opposed to searching for a bioinf job with my shiny new degree. Not that I necessarily feel like that job search would have been quicker, more efficient, or even necessarily less frustrating. Basically, this entry is all me venting. Talking about anxiety tends to destring it a bit.

It's all coming back to me, really. I think I'll do some Ruby stuff to tamp down on the brainfail. And then reread my own fanfic.

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lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
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