lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
This week so far has been a chain of irritants that have put me disproportionately out of shape, more so with each one that came at me. I don't even wanna get into it because I don't want to enshrine that petty shit, which is one major way that I have changed for the better in the last decade. So, go me, I guess.

In better news: if you're at all interested in my game-writing effort check out my idea thread for a Yuri Game Jam entry I am hoping to gear up to this summer/fall.

Holidays

Sunday, 16 October 2016 11:31
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
This entire month is messing with my head. Individually, I'm looking forward to all sorts of things (and glad for all sorts of things I've already done). Collectively, October needs to die.

(no subject)

Thursday, 12 May 2016 15:11
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
I am not actually happy with that review but today has been one of those days and something needed to happen.

Eh.

Tuesday, 10 March 2015 19:30
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
Still kind of crashed from yesterday, TBH.

Read more... )
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
My daily words analysis claims that I feel "certain" about my writing. I wonder if it's because I worked it out and arrived at a resolution, or whether I cheated and strayed to subjects I feel more confident about.

For the record, Read more... )

Emotions are so unhelpful sometimes.

As a total tangent, I keep looking up synonyms for colors and the word "livid" keeps coming up on wildly different results. I find this more amusing than I probably should. The level of entertainment I can derive from looking through a thesaurus always impresses me.

Days

Monday, 22 September 2014 23:47
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Days keep disappearing from under me. I have to try and look back and count what I did with my hours, where they all went.

I'm cooking a family dinner this week, and next week I have a job interview. Part of me would rather sit here and drink iced coffee and play Sunless Sea or Skyrim all day.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I just did the sponja of a lifetime. I'd been negligent in keeping the apartment as clean as I'd like, so I started tracking individual chores through GYD. This is good because that way the chores get divided into easy (wipe the bathroom sink) and difficult (sweep the living room incl. corners). Today I mopped, which is undoubtedly the worst chore of all. Not least because I don't do it often enough, hence the trick with th website that reminds me when I've done it last.

Now I got rid of the last cardboard boxes, and the floor is free of muddy smudges and clean at last. Ish. I mean, any second now I'm gonna start seeing little spots I missed, or little hairs that snuck by my minor compulsive tendencies. But I have gotten the place tolerably clean, even if I haven't yet quite proven that I can keep it sensibly so. Mopping every other week seems reasonable, if I sweep frequently in the meantime. Let's see if I can hold myself to that.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I just had a weird episode of the Saturday Afternoon Feels Tornado. Really weird and random, I have not had one of those in simply ages. then I did something reckless and searched for the Groot tag on AO3. Then I did something mind-bogglingly stupid and went into the Groot/Rocket tag to check the ratings distribution. It was... not too alarming? By fandom standards? Or maybe just by Homestuck fandom standards. Ah, Homestuck. You'll always be... Homestuck.

Fork.

"more is learned about flora colossus reproduction than is desirable" AHAHAHAHA THIS REALLY IS LIKE HOMESTUCK ALL OVER AGAIN OH FANDOM *TEARWIPE*

Anyway I'm having feelings and I owe [personal profile] marina a post about Unrest which, yes, [personal profile] lynnoconnacht may also be interested in.

I put in a laundry and swept the bedroom floor and fetched a suitcase to pack for Dragon*Con in so as far as I'm concerned I have won at adulting.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Today's siren caught me just as I was about to leave work.

I still have this vague feeling that maybe I'm not as anxious as I should be? But then I remember the random muscle cramps and the general lack of restfulness of my sleep.

New dr. sent me for blood tests which I have been putting off. Most of the same stuff I usually get tested for (perennial vitamin D and TSH) but without some of the inflammatory factors. So far I'm pretty pleased with new Dr. although it is a little soon to tell. I am also thinking about other health practitioners and whether I might want to seek them out.

My coping mechanism is refreshing the Flight Rising marketplace over and over, waiting for my smoke tert scroll to show up. And dwelling on things I did successfully. That one's a fun new addition.

Routine

Friday, 11 July 2014 00:25
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
I mean, I guess I'm anxious? How do I separate the anxiety about the booms from anxiety about my job, or the agoraphobia, or the roaches that I still freak out over all the time? But yeah, I guess I am anxious.

Tomorrow I get to play The Friday Morning Game, a terrible game which I always seem to lose at.

I'm choosing to view all my unfinished stories as a wealth of creativity to entertain myself with during idle moments, as opposed to a pile of uncompleted tasks. Because fanfic is a leisure activity.

(no subject)

Saturday, 28 June 2014 20:34
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Whenever I get back from Jerusalem I am somehow just too mentally exhausted to do anything. Even if I'd spent all my chore time daydreaming about writing, and thinking up plot twists as I was trying to fall asleep, once I get in front of my own keyboard my mind just... blanks.

Anxiety

Tuesday, 24 June 2014 22:36
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
See, I know that I'm letting anxiety about chores lead to procrastination, and I know that it'll only make things worse. So why can't I just... not?

Bright Solstice

Saturday, 21 June 2014 17:07
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
I made myself take a walk outside and it was nice. Then I ate out at a cafe I hadn't tried yet, and that was also nice. I reread a little bit from a few of my favorite things. I even put down a few words. Now I think I'll play a text adventure for a while.

All in all, I feel good. Still I'm looking forward to a hypothetical day when I'll know that I'm okay without enumerating the reasons.

Update

Wednesday, 4 June 2014 13:00
lea_hazel: Don't make me look up from my book (Basic: Reading)
Yesterday I moved into my new place: a rental, quite costly, much nearer my workplace than my previous home.

For context: today is a holiday, which means yesterday was erev chag - holiday starts at sunset the previous day, and many/most commercial things are closed/unavailable, depending on the status quo. Tomorrow is a workday, but Friday is another such half-day, because of Shabbat. My new neighborhood has a fairly lax status quo. Like, there is a non-kosher cafe across the street from me.

My internet line gets installed tomorrow morning. I was preparing to struggle with entertaining myself and keeping busy all holiday. And I was prepared! For noodle's sake, I packed three boxes of books! Then I discovered a neighborly open wifi connection.

The place is still partly or mostly unpacked, and has a number of unsightly hazards that need dealing with, some stuff of mine I need to replace, and a few necessary chores. Not quite in hosting shape, and I'm still not totally comfortable in it. But that was to be expected. It might take a while to banish that agoraphobic "I need to take a rest from this place" feeling.

So much else to write, but hopefully I can make a proper blog post tomorrow evening.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
My move has been delayed by a tenant-renter domino effect. I'm not sure what my feelings on this are. I'm uncertain of a lot of my feelings right now. I got a book about cognitive behavioral therapy and have been reading it in careful increments, but I think that might have been optimistic.

Just a bit ago I felt like I had a lot to say.

I've been picking at the first world SF anthology. Short stories are hard for me to engage with, but I enjoyed several of the ones I read. I think I'll try to dedicate a post to the book, later on. I've also been replaying Cinders now that it's on Steam and getting a sceond wind, and playing the hell out of Heroine's Quest.

Dumbing of Age has been ratcheting up the drama something fierce. Two of my favorite female characters are coming into crisis over their angsty backstories at the same time, and somehow they've come into a collision course, too.

The [community profile] trope_bingo deadline is coming up fast, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll likely fail this one as well. I'm not distressed as such over work taking time away from my hobbies, because duh, reality. I think I was just clinging a little to the idea of making a checkbox-shaped space in my brain and labeling it "trope bingo", mostly because of my own issues with procrastination and completing projects.

There was conflict at the office this week that distressed me. It wasn't aimed at me, or even between employees, but it was just very uncomfortable for a while.

Oh! As part of not having the energy to do anything fun, I've spent most of the week with pizza and Person of Interest season three. Yes, I'm up to that part. Super impressed by the fact that it's not only a fridging, but a conduit fridging. Like, the whole thing is set up not only for the edification and suffering of the male characters, but to tear them apart and consequently bring them back together, closer than ever. At least, that's my take on it.

Anyway, I'd best wrap up this patchwork quilt of an entry before I think of something else, and then another after that.

Spring Is Here

Saturday, 12 April 2014 14:46
lea_hazel: Wonder Woman (Genre: Comics)
Everything is happening.

Thursday was a friend's birthday party, which I sadly missed due to falling asleep at ten-ish. On Friday I managed to repair a messed up situation regarding my regular prescriptions, with largely no ill-effect, which I feel I can be proud of. Then I skipped out on family dinner because it's almost Pesach and I'll be seeing everyone soon, anyway.

Speaking of Pesach, sometime in winter there was a sale at Torrid and I picked up two dressed that I've been waiting for spring to wear. One of them needed hemming, so I went to the local seamstress and promptly forgot to pick it up for about a month. At least these kinds of slipups don't prey on my mind the way they ordinarily used to do.

So many people around me are doing depression blogging. Really makes you appreciate certain things.

Tuesday is the first holiday and then on Wednesday and Thursday I have work, and possibly the local spring con in the evening. Gonna have to bite the bullet and ask my sister if I can crash at hers one night. Then again, I don't know how many of the events I'd really be interested in. At least when it comes to a workday evening.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Things I did today (not a productivity list, just a way of keeping track of how I filled the hours):

  • Woke up late.

  • Showered and washed my hair.

  • Spent the rest of the morning looking at job listings (no hits).

  • Read several humorous articles.

  • Listened to music.

  • Cooked and ate a hot lunch.

  • Finished my second (out of three) first draft [community profile] purimgifts treat.

  • Ogled writing prompts.

  • Watched three TV episodes.

  • Googled for ADHD resources.

  • Reblogged some stuff on Tumblr.

  • Read about 90 pages of The Queen of Attolia and posted about it to GoodReads.

  • Set up a phone interview.

  • Walked to the shopping center and got myself a hot cocoa to go.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Steeping myself in creative pursuits is very satisfying and makes my days feel empty. I'm a little anxious about getting too comfortable being unemployed. I do have some avenues to pursue on that front, but the uncertainty is starting to unnerve me. Right now having all this free time is pretty nice, but in the long run I'm going to pay for it.

Probably what will happen is that I will start looking for QA work in Jerusalem (which I am technically overqualified for, but). I'm pretty optimistic about the work itself, because I think going down a step in the hierarchy may end up having various advantages. The trick is to leverage myself, and initiating action is always difficult for me.

On a brighter note, I got a [community profile] trope_bingo card, so now I'm working on two cards simultaneously. #lifestylechoices
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
The snow is at that obnoxious phase where it's melted and frozen back into slippery, neck-breaking ice. And it is cold as fuck and gloomy and depressing. The weather is making me listless and I can't seem to do anything with my afternoons (even though I had a productive morning getting chores done in the city).

Yesterday I did writing and editing and posting, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to complete a major multi-chapter fic by the end of the civil year. One that's been kicking my ass, because it's a fusion with a fable and I'm wildly unqualified for this level of writing. And in first person to boot. At least I have some fallback projects that are more appropriate to my skills.

Tomorrow I will listen to an MIT math lecture and maybe do some Python.

Rainy Day

Thursday, 5 December 2013 18:39
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
This morning when I woke up I looked out the window and saw that it was cold and rainy. It seemed like a good idea to hole up inside where it's warm and do a little work, some reading, and maybe a little writing. After all I have about a million writing projects and I'm never gonna have free time like this when I'm gainfully employed. Yet somehow the notorious poor weather malaise started creeping in and now I'm just of... full of emotions. Bluh.

On the plus side I worked on getting my virtual machine up and trying to sync it with my local folders so that I can use a GUI text editor. On the minus, I've gotten to the point where I have no idea what I'm doing. Wrestling with this sort of thing is exactly the kind of practice I need, but it's frustrating to do with no team. Most programmers lean on a certain knowledge of the operating system and command line, in which I'm severely lacking. Command line is very nerve-wracking.

But in news of clearly equal importance, I finally have a wildclaw on Flight Rising.

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lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
lea_hazel

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