Tired

Wednesday, 23 October 2013 08:24
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Health: Sleep)
I feel this stupid tiredness where it's like there's a lead weight tied by string to my body and it's pulling me down, and my entire body just wants to flop as far down as possible and not try to get up. But I have a bunch of chores and one of them absolutely has to get done this morning, first thing. A very annoying one that was dropped on me out of nowhere courtesy of my amazingly thoughtful and organized family.

Meanwhile I dreamed that I got a call from that first interview and I was happy because I felt like finally I had options and was employable and then I woke up. ;_;
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I walked a total of two and a half hours yesterday and went to sleep quite late. Surely it's not too strange that I spent all of today sprawled on the sofa, marathoning a new TV show.

I hope.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Health: Sleep)
Could've sworn that I had a thing today, but my nagging suspicion which I've usually dismissed as irrational anxiety has done its work faithfully: when I double-checked it turned out the thing wasn't finalized, just suggested. So glad I checked before I got dressed, it means I can get back in bed and try to get an extra hour's sleep.

Last night I took no sleeping aid and was up for hours with racing thoughts. I'd been optimistic, but I think a half a pill a night is still viable. Maybe it's some other factor stepping in, since I haven't had "staring at the ceiling for two hours" level insomnia in a fair bit.

Late last night I wrote something on whim. I think I'll dedicate tomorrow morning/early afternoon to rereading some of my WIPs. Maybe I'll be able to get some writing momentum again. Maybe I'll just do an inventory. I do think I've been optimistic about how much writing I'd feel up to at this juncture, but I want to reassess.

*Sigh*

Sunday, 16 June 2013 08:41
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Health: Sleep)
There are days when you get up in the morning and all you want to do is crawl back into bed. Ordinarily I would cut myself a little slack in a situation like this, but I have a looming deadline and my project is shit. The thing is, I can't even really tell if I'm tired or depressed.

Fuck my life, fuck this semester, and fuck me for not planning my projects better or taking on fewer classes. Or getting fucking ritalin three years ago.

Halp.

Thursday, 9 May 2013 19:58
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Time to devolve in a gross downwards spiral of rumination and self-involvement.

No no, don't do your homework. You washed the dishes and cycled a laundry, that's more than enough work for one day. Take another "nap" even though you know you're not that kind of tired.

Everything will be fine, and by fine I mean awful, but isn't that just what you deserve?

Mind

Saturday, 6 April 2013 09:53
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
When I started reintroducing coffee into my routine, after the worst of the insomnia was over, I made myself a rule that I wouldn't let coffee fade into the background of my existence. No, every time I drank coffee, I wouldn't let myself get distracted from how it smells and tastes, and how nice it is.

This is more difficult than I expected. "Morning routine" might be some of what makes my life slip away from me, when nice times just sort of slip between my fingers and only icky times last forever.

Snow Update

Thursday, 10 January 2013 08:18
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
Today is a snow day and yet I couldn't fall back asleep. It's still coming down outside in big fluffy flakes. I have plenty of work to research and plenty of porn to write, and also I'm probably gonna need an extended afternoon nap. So I figure I'll start with the porn.

To celebrate almost exactly a month of being coffee-free, I rwarded myself with one (1) aromatic, relaxing, utterly delightful mug of coffee. Also doubles as an experiment to see if my brain goes haywire over the weekend.

Here's to 2013

Tuesday, 1 January 2013 12:25
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Last night I went to a NYE party. I got there about a quarter of an hour before midnight even though I swore I wouldn't do that this year. We made merry, I was up until after 3AM, I got drunky on cheap(ish) champagne. Got home and threw myself into bed. Preemptively planned today's schedule so that I could sleep as late as I could... woke up a number of times in the morning and then finally at around ten thirty.

Now I am drinking tea and then crawling back into the warmth of my bed until two, when I have to start thinking about schoolwork again.

Happy new year, everyone.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Health: Sleep)
Today in neuropsychology I got an awesome compliment from a fellow student regarding a comment of mine in class a few days ago. I don't want to go into the details but I disagreed with the professor pretty strenuously and, you know, it's always hard to express vehement disagreement with an authority figure in a manner that's both assertive and respectful. This guy came over to say he agreed with me and respected the way I approached the problem and suddenly I was really proud of myself, for something that it hadn't occurred to me to feel pride over before. It was nice.

Then I went to get some prescriptions filled and that's always a pain in the ass. Moreover I have a bunch of other medical chores I need to get to, post haste. I also spoke to the pharmacist about my sleeping pills and I need to be even more careful about alcohol than I have been so far.

I was wound and cold and tired, so I played a rousing round of "let's keep this lesbian princess alive long enough that she can stare down a foreign dictator and shame him into brokering peace with the power of her regal presence" AKA my fifth Long Live the Queen victory. I saved the walkthrough along with my previous victories and I'm thinking of posting them here, backdating the entries, and then posting an index so anyone who wants can use them.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
It's the morning of the solstice. I've been awake for an hour or so. I just opened the curtain and there's a little bit of grey light outside. I can't tell if it's because it's so early or because it was raining up until a few minutes ago. Either way, it should get lighter soon.

Yesterday I pushed myself and it paid. I'm confused and not very well-rested, but at least I know definitively that cutting out coffee doesn't solve my sleep problem. That doesn't mean I'm going back to drinking coffee full time, though.

Today I want to do some things to improve my living environment, and I want to write. I will probably also want to get some sleep in the middle of the day. First, though, I need to warm up. No use trying to wash dishes while huddled in a fleece blanket.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Science: Genetics)
I've been struggling with my assignments in evolution. For some reason, though, I can never successfully translate my knowledge of this difficulty into paying sufficient attention in class. I've lapsed into the kind of absurd trickery I used in year 1 during physics classes: snoozing and then frantically googling for formulas that I don't really understand. Predicting that the exam for this course will be fairly painful.

The consequence of taking Saturday (and most of Friday) off is that I started the week with a disorganized schedule. Tomorrow morning the first thing I'm doing is fixing that and plotting out the rest of the week in exacting detail.

In other news, as every right-thinking person could tell me, going off coffee cold-turkey style was a ludicrously ill-advised proposition. I ought to have done some research first, and then I would have gradually decreased my consumption and avoided all this headache. I stand by the fact that quitting is a good idea, though. Once I have some hard data, I will be better able to assess whether one cup a morning is fine, or if I should cut it down to once-twice a week. Meanwhile I'm relearning to appreciate cocoa from powder, herbal teas, and on Saturday night I drank hot cider.

I want to end on a fun note, so: I have yet to win Briony's heart on LLTQ, despite my best efforts. However, so as not to burn out on the game to quickly, I resolve not to play at all tonight.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I'm pretty pleased with how I met my scheduling goals this week. Not perfect by any means, especially since I obsessed a lot over Glitch in the first half of the week and then over LLTQ in the last couple of days. But, I finished all my reading in due time and I'm making progress on my end-of-semester papers. Slowly but surely.

Some parts of my brain still insist on escaping to realms of overly elaborate A/U fanfic that will never get written, but whatever.

Going off caffeine is also progressing nicely. I didn't have many headaches and I think I might be sleeping more soundly, although it's hard to tell.

The fuck.

Friday, 7 December 2012 08:52
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
You know what's smart and productive? Accidentally taking an Ambien first thing in the morning. When you have a shit fuck ton of homework and the week was terrible.

Misc. Concerns

Saturday, 20 October 2012 12:43
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I slept pretty deeply and pretty long. I wonder if I'm finally catching up all that lost sleep.

Some kid from my building is riding his bike around the lobby, humming to himself. The echo sounded kind of spooky at first...

My family did not react too well to the idea of me taking sleeping pills. Initially, I guess.

On the flipside, I talked to my sister about this research project I need to do next semester and she gave me a lot of useful advice. She even offered to help me throughout if my faculty adviser isn't helpful. Narrowing down the subject was something I was very worried about.

I'm still concerned about hammering my schedule straight, though.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
Just cleansed a huge batch of random copy/pasted spam comments and reported every single one. There's some weird spambot that sends these things out in waves.

I did some writing recently, just sat down and wrote without editing almost at all. But, it's been a while since I made progress on my important WIP projects. I need to buckle down, I was doing so well.

Last night I finished Dragon Age II.

Next week I'm going to the sleep clinic, I'm a little nervous because of how nocturnal my schedule has been skewing. I should do something about that. Like cut out caffeine for a couple of weeks.

(no subject)

Sunday, 19 August 2012 09:56
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Hey, [personal profile] sargraf, I owe you a Dragon Age post. Bug me sometime this week so I don't forget to write it.

I'd do it now, but I'm on five hours of sleep and I need a nap.

ARMAHGAHD

Monday, 16 July 2012 14:21
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
GUYS GUYS I HAD A BREAKTHROUGH IN MY VERONICA MARS FANFIC I AM SO EXCITE.

Oh, also, my insomnia got so bad I didn't sleep at all on Saturday night and consequently decided to skip the exam this morning. Yikes.

Sleep Eludes

Saturday, 7 July 2012 15:12
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Sleep less than four hours a night. Take an afternoon nap. Wake up, research insomnia, stumble on an idea that makes you want to turn your disordered sleep into an urban fantasy plot.

My last bout of insomnia this bad and this persistent was almost exactly a decade ago.

Function

Wednesday, 13 June 2012 09:47
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
IDK my body is going haywire. Last night I turned in at eleven and then tossed and turned and barely fell asleep somewhat after two thirty. When the alarm rang at sixish I quickly figured out that I absolutely had to skip my early class due to lack of basic function. Now I'm awake, tired and in pain, I have class in two hours and chores to do, and I'm not sure I can do any of this.

Second to last week of the semester!

The worst is, I'm not even sure it's anything I can reasonably take to the doctor. I mean, what would he do or say that I can't do or say at home? "Get bed rest"? "Sleep better"? IDK. Maybe I've been overdoing it with pilates twice a week, this type of thing seems to happen too often.

Woe D:

Sunday, 10 June 2012 07:43
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Health: Sleep)
One day, I will be able to sleep 7-8 hours straight, but apparently today is not that day. D:

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