(no subject)

Friday, 23 June 2017 11:11
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
*Prof. Farnsworth voice* Good news everyone! My cortisol levels are normal. Near as I can tell this means there's nothing wrong with my kidneys, but, you know, doctors never tell me anything.

(no subject)

Wednesday, 7 June 2017 19:05
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
I feel bad about things but it will (probably) go away.

(no subject)

Monday, 1 May 2017 22:53
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
Would be nice to find a doctor who's more concerned with increasing my well-being than with policing the orthodoxy of my behavior.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
A thing that I forgot is that there's a reason I don't usually leave work before four. And that reason is the lovely suburban parents in my neighborhood who show up in their cars by the drove, to pick up their kids from school. And between three and four (...or five) my street is filled with the cheerful sound of Israeli motorist etiquette. Which is nonexistent, by the way.

In other happy news, last week the hard drive on my desktop finally gave out. I didn't lose much, or at least, not much that didn't bear losing. I will have to recreate the timeline for my NaNoRenO project, once my headache has cleared. But mainly I lost a lot of junk. What with the new laptop, though, I can't really justify buying a new desktop. It's expensive, and I've had a lot of large expenses lately. I'm saving basically nothing working part-time, so there's that, also.

There's other news, and it's much more positive, but I'd need to relax my frame of mind a little, to do it justice.

Last Thursday I went out to replace my earphones, and met someone who went to primary school with me. It was beyond weird.
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
It helps me think. But there always seems to be too damn much going on, and I always seem to be criminally behind on something.

I took my one and only exam for the semester and it went remarkably well. I am cautiously optimistic about my grade, which I won't find out for a while yet. My next semester starts in late March, a little more than two weeks from now. Much more intimidating, because it's one of the more notorious branches of mathematics. It's a CS requirement, though, and I think a face-to-face class will force me to pay more attention to the lectures, compared to sitting on my sofa and watching the lecture through the computer. Still, it's another shot for my "get ahead of the material in case you fall behind later" plan, which has never yet quite succeeded as intended.

Work-wise I have deadlines and more responsibilities and I'm sitting with the rest of my team instead of in a separate cubicle, so there's progress there. I work hard to get in enough hours a month, not only to stay on top of my workload but also because I get paid by the hour. Working in an office is still a struggle because at a certain point the fluorescent lights and over-exposure to smells etc. starts to wear me down. Bug generally I'm keeping up and getting good feedback.

Writing is exciting. I submitted a short story today. I've been trying to put it together from an idea that surfaced unexpectedly, part-way into outlining a totally different piece for the same deadline. That other piece is partly drafted but still languishing. I also have a rejected piece that I need to decide whether/to whom to submit next. In game writing I did FFS Jam and it was pretty great, but ow I'm losing momentum in the journey to polish the alpha to perfection. And now March is starting and I'm on a team doing NaNoRenO.

More on that last part, probably tomorrow.

I have to remember that writing down everything I'm doing not only reminds me of everything I'm behind on, but also everything I've accomplished. When I describe my life to other people, it sounds a lot better than it does in my head.

Life Update

Tuesday, 7 February 2017 12:09
lea_hazel: Angry General Elodie (Genre: Games)
My coworkers have learned of my migraines this week and I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. In every other respect work is pretty good.

I'm looking into finding a new primary care physician, but for unrelated reasons.

The alpha of Wreath of Roses, my secondary world fantasy intrigue text game, will most likely stay up on itch.io for another week (because I might as well make the date a little symbolic). After that it goes back into "in development" mode while I (continue to) search for an editor. I would like to get it as good as it can be, and I'm also interested in commissioning a new logo by a more experienced graphic artist. Mainly I've been looking on the Lemma Soft forum, home of all things both gamey and narrative-y.

Otherwise things are good. I'm conflicted between plugging on with the short stories I have in progress, versus trying to come up with a new (more modest) game concept. I took a look at my philome.la page when I was doing some promotion, and I haven't posted a new game in ages. I miss it a little. But then, there are other things to consider. Writing is hard.

Anyway, if you wanna play WOR and don't mind the typos and assorted blemishes, definitely do it now.

(no subject)

Thursday, 19 January 2017 16:25
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Yesterday I had such a productive day, but today my head hurts and I don't want to do anything. D:

Life Update

Friday, 11 November 2016 11:33
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
I spent a lot of the past week or so falling apart. November began on a good note as the 1st and 2nd were writing days and the beginning of NaNo, which I was apprehensive about. It started well, though, and I'm broadly pleased with my writing and enjoying the characters, and I think I will want to stick it out to the end which is a good thing (even if I don't know what that end will be).

Read more... )

Run down

Friday, 4 November 2016 11:10
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I'm quite run down and I think getting the vaccination yesterday morning might have done a whammy on me. Went to bed early last night and it helped some. Called the doctor this morning, I have new test results and they look mostly okay.

Working hard to remind myself that eating and sleeping and other things like that are part of my job and help me work better. Also that I live alone and if I don't do it no one will. Now I'm going to rally to make sure I have food in the house for the weekend, also get myself a big bottle of orange juice to make up the difference. Then I think I'll put on sweatpants and listen to the Adventure Zone.

I am doing well on NaNo but I don't think I'll be doing more than the minimum amount of writing today (daily words). Then again sometimes I feel better in the afternoon and I did sleep a lot.

Holidays

Thursday, 21 April 2016 11:01
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Passover was approaching with giant, menacing steps and I didn't even have time to make a post about it before it got here and now it's basically here OMG.

Holidays are stress, everyone knows that. I basically have two modes, 'I have to worry about that' and 'I don't have to worry about that yet'. The problem is, once something gets slotted into the second category, it tends to get stuck and stay there too long, until it bubbles up to 'I have to worry about that RIGHT NOW' or 'it's too late to worry about that'. Which sucks.

My medical chores went poorly so that's another things I have to worry about again. And it's the holidays, which means I have to carry all of my mother's stress in addition to my own. And my apartment is so dirty because I am always too tired to clean.

Now I have to choose to forget everything so that I can spend the rest of the morning writing.

Progress

Friday, 15 April 2016 13:02
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
Like most forms of progress for me, this one involved a lot of forgiving myself for things that are not actually crimes/sins.

I am still working on half a dozen projects in parallel. I am still behind on my personal writing missions (i.e. update my Patreon rewards to something more reasonable, queue one blog post per week, editing milestones, etc.). I am still stretched thin between work, school and my writing schedule.

I have, however, collected a few tangible reassurances regarding the basic fact of what I owe and to whom.

Some medical issues have also made themselves apparent, but right now only at the testing stage.

My running projects, for the record, include two Twine games (one more gamey and the other more storyish), three short stories in Hebrew, one short story in English and a blog post. Oh, and the card game I've been trying to play-test for something like six weeks. Which I will probably bring to Olamot later this month, for those to whom it's relevant. And I've started dabbling with ChoiceScript, which is like Twine but more viable.

Life Update

Saturday, 9 April 2016 18:32
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
"There's no reason why I can't work, study and write at the same time."

Later: "I can't work, study and write at the same time."

Writing Update

Thursday, 24 December 2015 12:04
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Yuletide deadline has come and gone and I am still ambivalent about my submission. However, it meets all the qualifications and it represents my very best efforts, so that will simply have to do. Saturday ought to be interesting. I've also been keeping an eye on the list of fandoms and it seems we're in for an interesting year's haul -- although still no Dutch/Delle Seyah that I can see. Tragically.

Today and yesterday I've been feeling ill and so I fell behind on writing. However, I did sign up for a newsletter that keeps me appraised of paying jobs. I am also looking more locally at translation and proof-reading. I'm not a professional editor to be sure, but I think I can still monetize my English skills.

Best news of all, after many ups and downs I have completed my first game written in Twine, a JavaScript engine for browser-based hypertext stories/games. I used my blog's Twitter account to sign up for philome.la, a site that archives Twine games. Now I have a profile that lists my one game: Box of Unicorns, a short and silly game about collecting unicorns and putting them in a box.

This game took over six hours to write and you can play through the whole thing in roughly fifteen seconds.

Heart of Gold

Thursday, 26 November 2015 09:44
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
I am increasing my vitamin D dose to approximately "metric fuckton" (I think it's actually 1000mg or thereabouts) in hopes of doing something about the "always tired, always depressed" thing. The bottle has ninety pills! It should last me until the ritualistic murder of the solar deity has expired and the world is born anew in a flutter of chirping swallows and almond blossoms. Or something.

I downloaded and played the demo to the new Dark Parables game, "Goldilocks and the Fallen Star". It's... okay? Like, I want it and I want to play it. I just don't feel any huge urgency or attachment. The puzzles are good. The art is pretty. The story is about as overblown as you'd expect. There are secrets and fables to collect, but there don't seem to be morphing objects, which is a shame.

I will probably play and replay it eventually. Right now, I'm in 7KPP hell. When I'm ready to buy a new game, I might favor Botanica over this one.
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
Doctor has some suspicions regarding my persistent fatigue (and also seemed concerned about my tendency for heavy sweating). Sent me for a bunch of blood-work and heart/lung tests today. I'm worn out. I don't know when/if/how I will get back to studying, which is a high priority, and trying to fucking write something, which likewise.

Meanwhile Baru Cormorant is screaming good. There are things in this book that I didn't know I wanted to read, you know?

And the second update of the 7KPP alpha is out, too. Just in time, as last night I won at Sunless Sea for the very first time. Wow. Maybe now playing out the other ambitions will feel less urgent? I kept the captain's lineage (despite the fact that it lacks the handy bonuses you get from playing Fallen London) and that left me in a pretty cushy position for a novice captain, but the map regenerated and it must be Salt's revenge or something. Last time I had the Salt Lions right next to London and the map overall was very convenient. This time the tile just east of London is the Snares, which means I've got bound fucking sharks prowling right near London. Boo.

I think I might go lie down a little. Or try to rally the energy to make myself some tea.

Book News

Monday, 16 November 2015 12:15
lea_hazel: Don't make me look up from my book (Basic: Reading)
Yesterday I got about halfway through The Traitor Baru Cormorant. I had a big of a pickle getting my hands on the ebook, since it transpires that the US edition is not available for purchase from my IP. Which means I couldn't get it through Kobo, my usual method of buying ebooks, for some reason. Never mind that, though. What's important is that, though it's not exactly what I expected, it's still a very entertaining read.

Baru Cormorant is brilliant, driven and ambitious. The world of the Empire of Masks is considerably more complex (in more ways than one) than what I've gotten used to seeing from secondary world fantasy. Issues of sexuality make a central theme in the book; issues of gender identity and expression come up, although as far as I've gotten, they are still not a major thread in the plot. More like part of the backdrop, the cultural imperialism that pervades the setting and provides an impetus to all of Baru's actions.

Like I said, I'm enjoying it a lot.
lea_hazel: Arthritis: It does the body bad (Health: Arthritis)
I woke up spontaneously at six thirty today and my mind started racing. A little after seven I gave up and got up, made myself breakfast, turned on the boiler. I still feel kind of crap but I'm ambivalent about going to the doctor. Also ambivalent about my obligations for today. I should be reading and critiquing a story for the workshop, but IDK if I'm up to it.

I am also already on the verge of falling behind on classes. While taking only two classes, one of them bi-weekly. And working from home (not 9+ hours and a commute). I need to catch up on set theory and I need to solve the first home exercise for cell biology. And I am starting (again) to feel as though the things that get in the way of my doing as much as I hope to -- which all seem reasonable, individually! -- are just called "life" and I'd best get back to powering-through mode.

I showered and changed the linen and now I'm wiped. Back to bed it is. At least I have plenty to read?
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Feeling low-key worn down for a few days and wondering if it's a discipline problem, a motivation problem, or the weather getting to me. Then I receive some incontrovertible evidence of legit physical illness. In an unpleasing phase of matter. Most likely just an upper respiratory tract infection, best dealt with by taking hot showers and some OTC meds. If on Sunday I'm still feeling lethargic or have other symptoms, I'll make a doctor's appointment.

Meanwhile I want to talk about Blindspot. I have no idea whether any of my mutuals watches this show which I am still trying not to call "the Lady Sif show"* so I might be shouting into the void here.

See, the meta-plot of Blindspot, which used to be a two-bit sci-fi cliche revolving around amnesia and mysterious shadowy organizations (and maybe time travel)... is now about wire-taps. And illegal surveillance. And high-ranking members of named organizations having moral crises about whether the good they do outweighs the bad, and changing their minds, and then changing their minds back. Three characters struggling with the same choices in different ways, and none of them easy with the decisions they made.

I don't know where the hell the whole tattoos-predict-future-crimes angle of the show is going, and I'm not sure I (need to) care. Blindspot is now a show about power, and the people who abuse it, and whether or not they can believe that they're doing it for the greater good. I just... need to know where they're taking this. There are two more ultra-drama cliff-hanger type episodes followed by a long hiatus, and then the second half of the 22-ep season. And it's been renewed for season 2.

It's now officially more interesting than it has a right to be.

*I called Person of Interest "the Ben Linus show" for years.

Update

Sunday, 4 October 2015 21:32
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
The holidays and a short illness have thrown off my work schedule and I ended up not updating for longer than I intended.

Today was a good writing day and I have completed the first draft of my [community profile] femslashex assignment pretty much on schedule. I'm pleased with it right now but let's see how I feel about it in two-three days when I reread it.

My wordpress blog is now linked from the sidebar, alongside my AO3 and Tumblr.

I do still intend to blog about things of a bit more substance, but as it's getting rather late and I haven't yet had dinner, that will have to wait for later this week.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Yesterday I lost a whole day's worth of chores and writing time, because I woke up with both a migraine and the most appalling neck pain. I keep trying to sleep on my back, which is supposedly much healthier, but the most I seem to manage is sleeping on my side with my legs folded. Today I'm much better overall, but turning my head to the left is still a little chancy.

The Einat award deadline came and went and once again I did not manage to produce a coherent, complete story I could consider entering. Writing in Hebrew has become so difficult. Of course, July was a pretty frenetic month, and August so far not much easier. My Jerusalem apartment for example is not yet fully put together, and I insisted with my family to put off celebrating my birthday by a month because my mind is collapsing under the weight of too many considering.

7KPP the game continues to be a massive time-sink, although I have hit my first snag in the new fandom honeymoon phase. Naturally, this was mostly due to my own issues and projections, and has very little to do with other people's actual behavior. But yet, I have to navigate this feeling of reality seeping into my fluffy pink cotton candy clouds of fangirl euphoria. On the bright side, the Kickstarter and Greenlight campaigns both seem to be doing uncommonly well. And in September the alpha updates ought to start becoming regularly available.

When the alpha first hits I will probably drop off the radar for a day or two. I'm not going to resist this, it seems futile, and as much as I refuse to call myself a gamer I am susceptible to the same psychological traps. I have already fallen down the fanfic rabbit hole after all. This does not, however, seem like a fandom primed for porn. Curiously enough, since there are arranged marriages and virtue considerations and all that celibacy stuff tends to inspire more porn rather than less.

Modesty is a form of kink, after all. Isn't that why Venus always uses one hand to hide herself in all the Renaissance paintings?

My characters beckon. Right now they seem interested in discussing the progression of multiple assassination attempts, and how exactly that is meant to lead to a sexual quasi-romantic relationship. So, that's what I'm going to try writing.

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lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
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