Lazy Day

Sunday, 1 December 2013 19:24
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Health: Sleep)
Today I was a useless jackass all day. I didn't even do much reading. It was nice and I figure I can stand to lose one day, but it also means that I have to do some writing this evening. I'm just going to have to force motivation somehow.

Heaven knows I have plenty of crunchy projects to keep me busy.

Moving On

Friday, 9 August 2013 12:55
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
This week was hard. I keep telling myself that I'm looking forward and not dwelling on the past, and that keeping busy and setting goals will motivate me, but it's often hard to summon the motivation to be active. Especially when it's so easy to let my mind drift over whatever subject it happens to encounter on the internet, obsess over it for a few hours, and then drop it. Which is the opposite of productivity.

Even gaming is practically productive at some point.

But yes, I did set goals. I am intending to learn Python and even if it's not resume-level I think it will be good for me to work at something that has actual success possibilities. Although I am also concerned about the practicality of my work skills, which have advanced not at all over the past four years. Without a degree, two classes in MATLAB hardly look CV-worthy.

I sent out a couple of feelers for jobs I'm suited to. Until I get a phonecall or email there's not much else I can do except try not to worry.


Saturday, 3 August 2013 09:28
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
Yesterday I sulked.

Today I'm resting.

Tomorrow I have to start getting my life in order.

But I don't have to think about that right now. Right now, I can spend my time drinking too much coffee and playing video games.

I think I will start by completing my mage playthrough of DA2.


Monday, 29 April 2013 16:58
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I've been driving, and working, and writing, and having uncomfortable conversations with the therapist. I don't really have the energy to scrutinize things but I want to post something, so have some Skunk Anasie:


Saturday, 6 April 2013 09:53
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
When I started reintroducing coffee into my routine, after the worst of the insomnia was over, I made myself a rule that I wouldn't let coffee fade into the background of my existence. No, every time I drank coffee, I wouldn't let myself get distracted from how it smells and tastes, and how nice it is.

This is more difficult than I expected. "Morning routine" might be some of what makes my life slip away from me, when nice times just sort of slip between my fingers and only icky times last forever.
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
I may have impulse-bought a pair of boots. In my defense they were on sale and they fit over my calves because they have a strip of elastic all down one side. And they are fabulous. And I haven't had a fabulous pair of black boots since my last pair (bought when I was ~22) stopped zipping on me. I hardly got to wear them.

Now I just need someone to show them off to, since I already have half a dozen pairs of cute knee socks. Hum. Anybody want to be my date for a night of boot-related vanity?


Sunday, 23 December 2012 19:22
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
I'm gonna make that Glitch post, soon, it's just... today somehow took a turn for the worse at the last possible minute.
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
I made a hairdresser appointment at 9:30 but it's storming out and my muscles are badly cramped from Pilates. My bed is so nice and warm. Wah. Oh shoot, I left the laundry in the machine and forgot to put it in the dryer. I guess I am getting out of bed regardless. Maybe I'll accept my bitter fate.
lea_hazel: Neuron cell (Science: Brains)
I have a cough and a pounding goddamn headache and homework and a fanfic with terrible tense changes. But I ate food and watched TV and wrote. The last two days were the worst and I don't want to think. Also my grandmother is dying and I don't want to talk about it.

Party Plan

Saturday, 25 August 2012 12:58
lea_hazel: I am surrounded by tiny red hearts (Feel: Love)
13:00-14:00 Write

14:00-17:00 Play DA2

17:00 Lunch

17:30-19:00 Cleaning

19:00 Wash hair

21:00 Start cooking

22:00 Everyone starts showing up

Optimism, yo.
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
Tonight I invited friends over for what was supposed to be a dinner party, but I failed to reinforce the invitation enough, so only one (very close, very cool) friend showed up. We had an awesome night, she drank tea and I drank wine. I put away the food and consulted with her on pushing the dinner forward and reinviting everyone for the middle of the week.

We talked about a bunch of different things and she gave me interior design advice. The layout of my living room was all wrong and now I feel a lot better about it. I also showed her this picture of my custom Hawke and she said she "had potential" when I asked if she was hot. :D It was awesome to talk about so many things and I miss her a lot when we don't talk to each other a lot.

Really I have no excuses and I'm going to be more social for the rest of the summer.

I feel pretty good.
lea_hazel: The outlook is somewhat dismal (Feel: Crash and Burn)
This week has been weird.

I just... don't know what I'm feeling anymore. Am I panicking? Am I anxious? Am I complacent? Am I having a breakdown? Am I physically ill? Have I got my shit together? Am I turning my life around? Am I giving up too easily? Am I clinging to something obsolete and worthless? Is my life moving forward, straying or stagnating?

I wish I could take a magical certainty pill. I guess that's the attraction of games. They give you limited options so you basically always know what you should be doing.

The guy I had to talk to today just couldn't figure out why I spent forty five minutes talking about classes and exams when he asked me about my life. He also couldn't seem to grasp why I was so concerned with my financial future. I guess he was expecting something along the lines of 'This is my plan for having a penis inside of me and later also babies' or something along those lines.

School. Work. Making something of my life. Achieving something tangible. Securing my future. These are not odd goals for a woman of almost twenty eight.

Sleep Eludes

Saturday, 7 July 2012 15:12
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
Sleep less than four hours a night. Take an afternoon nap. Wake up, research insomnia, stumble on an idea that makes you want to turn your disordered sleep into an urban fantasy plot.

My last bout of insomnia this bad and this persistent was almost exactly a decade ago.

(no subject)

Wednesday, 4 July 2012 17:28
lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)
I'm wondering if the fact that my brain is a mess lately, and the fact that I feel like I'm finally making progress, might be connected to each other.


Monday, 2 July 2012 23:08
lea_hazel: Kermit: OMG YAY *flail* (Feel: OMGYAY)
I just want to note that tonight at the LGBT center I won my first game of Munchkin. \o/

Yesterday's test went not too great. I had to answer six questions and I think I answered five, one of them utter nonsense. Hoping for an 80 seems absurd. One awful thing about this test: we had no exercises to hand in during the semester, no quizzes, and there were no practice questions for us to solve before the exam. Not ideal conditions, to say the least. Makes it hard to gap the bridge between what you know and what the lecturer is asking.

My next exam is in a week plus, and it's a lot less pressure. After that, though, all bets are off. Three hard exams in a short time period, one of which I will almost certainly need to take twice. D: For now, though, I'm decompressing.
lea_hazel: Typewriter (Basic: Writing)
What is even with me suddenly writing poetry in the middle of exam season?

Ordinarily I'd be thrilled to be suddenly inspired, since usually poetry for me is like pulling teeth. But, the timing is so inappropriate. I keep having gross feelings all over everything, and this is neither the time nor the place. Okay, maybe it's the place, but definitely not the time.

lea_hazel: I am surrounded by tiny red hearts (Feel: Love)
I used to think I hated sentimental love songs bu hey, it turns out that part of my brain is just written in Hebrew or something. Here, have a sentimental love song:

(no subject)

Thursday, 7 June 2012 10:11
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
Danger, danger, emergency palette cleanser alert.


Tuesday, 15 May 2012 09:30
lea_hazel: A frowning white theater mask (Feel: Sad Face :()
When I was in the army, I got tested for the national bone marrow registry. I got a call from them yesterday and found out I was still in it, and that I was a partial match for someone who needs a donation. I was supposed to go in this morning and get a tissue test at the medical school. You can't understand how or why I was so excited by this, I know it seems strange. But, this was somehow the best news I'd gotten in five years.

Of course it immediately occurred to me to go online and check to make sure that there's nothing preventing me from donating. How awkward would it be to make someone sick with your marrow? Of course I was on my way to class so of course I forgot, and of course I only checked this morning. I checked their website and then called the tissue lab to make sure, but psoriatic arthritis is definitely on the list. On the bright side, I learned the Hebrew name of psoriasis.

Anyway, I have plenty of chores to do this morning, so whatever.


lea_hazel: The Little Mermaid (Default)

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